Page 68 of Taming of a Wolf

He scoffs. “One person. A farm boy I was sweet on. The first person I’d felt any romantic feelings for.” Giving his head a shake, he says, “I’d rather not get into that. Not right now.”

I want to hear that story, but it can wait. “So, what happened with Kieran?”

Anders exhales roughly.

“Anders?”

He twists his fingers together, and when he speaks, it’s so soft I almost miss it. “You won’t be able to look at me.”

My heart races faster. I’m afraid of what he’ll tell me. It sounds bad if it’s tearing him up this much. “Tell me.” I put my hand on his shoulder.

A shaky breath escapes him as he slumps, his eyes closing like he’s the one who can’t stand to look at me. “Kieran started making plans to change our way of life. Wanted to free our thralls. Wulfric allowed it. I thought if he would allow such a drastic change, then there was no telling what else Kieran could make him do. I was furious. Scared he’d bring ruin upon us, that I’d lose what was left of my family to humans once more. So I—” Anders’s voice breaks, and he looks away. “I-I had Kieran beaten to within an inch of his life.” The words leave him in a breathless whisper. “Didn’t even have the stones to challenge him myself.”

“Anders,” I murmur, horrified.

He flinches. “Wulfric challenged me. I lost the will to fight and surrendered. Let myself be exiled. All this time, I was so sure I was right to hate Kieran. But when I returned to the village, nothing had changed for the worse. Kieran was one of them. Wulfric was happier than I’ve ever seen him. They were so much happier without me, and I couldn’t even fault them for it. I divided our pack. I dishonored the memory of my parents. What I did was unforgiveable, and now, I’ve lost them. I pushed away everyone I’ve ever loved, and I don’t know how I can make it right.”

The words pour out of him as tears spill from his eyes. He hunches over the railing, making himself look so much smaller than he usually is. His pain and remorse threaten to drown me. My own tears prick my eyes. I can’t stand to see him like this.

It’s true—what he did was terrible, and I don’t blame his family for being angry with him and hurt by his actions. It’s not my place to forgive him because I’m not the wounded party here. But as someone who wasn’t harmed by his behavior, I can look at his actions without emotion clouding my judgment.

What Anders did was wrong, but his actions didn’t happen in a vacuum. His fear of humans was born from the trauma of losing his father and being tortured by hunters. Instead of owning up to his feelings of guilt and grief, he lashed out at others.

Now, here he is, allowing himself to feel his grief and guilt while acknowledging his mistakes. More than that, deeply regretting them.

While Anders sniffs and wipes his eyes, I put my arm around his shoulders. Anders stiffens, his eyes going wide. “Aren’t you angry? How can you stand to touch me? I’m… I’m a despicable craven.”

I snort. “Puppy dog, you’d sound more convincing if your nose wasn’t blocked up.”

“Jamie.” Anders’s voice is a growl. “Quit mocking me. If you’re disgusted with me, then just let me go.”

“Okay. First of all”—I yank on his chin and make him look at me—“I am not letting you go. Not ever. I’m in this with you for life. Second of all, why would I hate you?”

He rolls his shoulders and tries to look away, but I keep a firm hold of his chin. “How can younot?”

“Because I don’t look at you and see the same man who bullied his brother and hurt his mate. Anders, can’t you see? The man you were is not the man you are now.”

Anders’s breath hitches, and those watery green eyes fill with something that looks, and feels in our bond, a lot like hope. “You… you think so? Truly?”

I run my fingers over his jawline. “Iknowit. An awful, irredeemable person wouldn’t be beating themself up as much as you are over this. This is seriously eating away at you. Maybe you should just apologize to your brothers and Kieran, just so they know.”

“They won’t forgive me.”

“Maybe, maybe not. That’s not what matters. What’s important is that you make sure they know how sorry you are.”

Anders sighs softly, touching his forehead to mine. He lingers there a moment, thumb brushing over my cheekbone. “I want to do this. But not yet. I need to figure out the right things to say.”

“Okay. How about we head home? It’s freezing.”

“But the shop—”

I wave a hand. “It’s okay. It’s really slow today, so Jess can handle things. Let’s just swing by to grab Jace.”

“If you’re sure…” Anders straightens, one arm going around my shoulder.

Once we’re home, I make us both a mug of hot chocolate and take the drinks into the bedroom. In the quiet, I can hear Jace cursing through the bedroom wall at his Nintendo Switch. Anders lies in bed, eyes closed. I almost think he’s sleeping until he sits up, accepting his hot drink with a rumble of thanks. Before I can walk around the other side of the bed, Anders wraps an arm around my waist and tugs.

I end up in his lap, adjusting myself into a comfortable spot against his chest so I don’t spill my drink. Settling, I rest my head against his pecs. They make perfect pillows. Anders keeps one arm around me and presses something against my stomach.

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