Page 75 of Taming of a Wolf

Oh god. I can’tbelieve Anders saw me break down. I never wanted him to see this side of me. Anders deserves Fun Jamie. Sunshine Jamie. The Jamie who is on top of his game and confident. Not messy, sad, depressed Jamie.

I haven’t let myself drown in the past in a long time.

Ever since my parents died, I’ve tried so hard to be strong. I locked my guilt and my heartache in a box and buried it. But every year on my birthday, if I’m not careful, the box opens, and I can lose myself in memories of that awful day.

I jump when Anders suddenly climbs into the car. “Take us home, pet.”

My hands are shaky as I grip the wheel. It took me a long time to get over my fear of driving. I only started driving again two years ago and finally felt confident behind the wheel. Today, I wish I could hand the wheel to Anders.

Come on, Jamie. That’s ridiculous. Just drive.

“Are we going?” Anders asks.

Hands shaking, I turn the ignition key and step on the gas.

Suddenly, I’m eighteen again. My mom is in the seat beside me, and Dad’s in the back.

Mom and Dad are laughing. I don’t remember why. Then, she screams, and—

“Jamie.” A big hand cups the back of my neck.

I gasp as his touch yanks me from memories of the worst day of my life.

“Don’t think. Just drive.” The deep, low growl of his voice speaks to my wolf, even without my furs. “Get us home, and I will take care of you.”

I angle my head on instinct, showing my throat. My wolf’s instincts are telling me to submit, to obey. In submission to my Alpha, I will find peace. “Yes, Alpha,” I whisper.

Don’t think.Just do what Alpha says, my wolf’s instincts whisper.Please him.

Squeezing the wheel tight, I drive us from the parking space. Thoughts try to creep in. I grind my teeth, trying to keep them out. Please. I just want my head to be clear. I don’t want to think. When my Alpha’s hand glides over my thigh to squeeze my knee, I find myself relaxing back into the seat. Alpha’s touch feels so good.

I don’t understand what’s going on. Anders has said himself he isn’t an Alpha, so I’m not sure why my body is reacting to him like this. It doesn’t feel like a heat. I’m not burning up with desire and need. Anders’s presence has an almost catatonic effect on me. My wolf wants me to trust him, to let him take care of us. So I will.

I’ve tried so hard to take care of myself. To be a fortress. Now, my fortress is crumbling. Can I trust Anders to help keep me together? Do I even deserve to ask that of him?

Before I know it, we’ve arrived safely at my apartment. Anders carries Jace, who is still asleep. Once we’re in the apartment, Anders tells me to wait while he puts Jace to bed. I obey myAlpha and remain by the door, feeling like an empty shell until he returns. He insists on taking off my coat and tugging off my boots. My stomach gives a loud growl, displeased we didn’t eat breakfast. Anders’s eyes narrow. “When is the last time you ate?”

I cast my mind back, but everything is a blur. Fuck. I wish I’d died instead that day. I should have. Jace would be much happier with his parents. A lump rises in my throat.

“Pet.” Anders tips my chin up. “Answer my question.”

“I don’t think I ate today.”

Anders takes my hand and steers me to the sofa. “Sit.” I do as he says. Anders leaves, and when he comes back, he’s carrying my grandmother’s furs. “Wear these.”

“Why?” I ask.

“On my worst days, my favorite thing to do is shed my skin and live as a wolf for a few hours. An animal’s headspace is simpler than that of our human form. Try it. I will make us some food.”

I shrug them on, concentrating on the sensation of the furs, on my bond with Anders. All the distressing thoughts of the day begin to blur as I change shape. Fur envelops me, and I stretch out on all fours. The sofa is soft beneath my paws. My mate’s scent fills the air, so sweet I want to roll around in it. My stomach growls. I am hungry. Want to eat. Hunt. But first, sleepy… I squeak out a yawn, the muscles in my jaw popping. Closing my eyes, I lay my head on my paws. Sleep first, then food.

Mate chuckles. “Good, pet. You rest. I will get us some food.”

He touches me between my ears. Mate’s hand is warm and soft. My ears flick. He laughs, and my tail thumps at the sound.

I sleep.

“Jamie? I made… well, it’s something, at least.”

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