Page 89 of Taming of a Wolf

In the kitchen, I prepare the sandwiches, one for myself, one for Jace, and one for—

A lump thickens my throat. Anders isn’t here. He’s not coming back. Tears sting my eyes as I wrap up the third sandwich and put it in the refrigerator. I take a few deep breaths to get my emotions under control. I made my choice. I’ve got to bear the consequences.

I set the plate of sandwiches on the coffee table and try and focus on the show. Anders’s reaction to seeing a movie for the first time had been so cute and funny. I wish I’d been able to show him the other twoLord of the Ringsmovies. He would have loved them.

Eventually, Jace falls asleep beside me, the lights from the screen highlighting the tear tracks on his cheeks. My heart breaks open, unleashing a dam of anguish. Leaning down, I kiss his cheek, wiping away a tear that falls from my cheek to his.

“I’m so sorry, kiddo.”

For so long, I’d wanted a partner who would love and support Jace as much as I did. I’d found all that and more in Anders, so why did I fuck things up? Why did I push him away?

My phone rings, and I answer without checking who it is so the noise doesn’t wake Jace.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jamie!” Jess grins at me from the screen, surprising me. She doesn’t usually FaceTime.

“Shh! Jace is sleeping.”

“Oops, sorry,” she says, lowering her voice.

“Slacking off?” I tease, managing a small smile.

“Yup. The shop’s burning down, and Bailey’s dancing in the ashes.” She takes a bite of a sandwich. She must be at the cute little sandwich place around the corner from the café. “Just checking in. How’s Jace?”

I glance at my brother, heart aching at the sadness that pinches his face even in sleep. “He’s, uh… Fine. Just needs to rest and take his meds—”

“Were you crying?” Jess leans closer to the screen, a frown puckering her brows.

Shit. I attempt a laugh. “What? No.”

She fixes me with a hard stare. “You had better not be blaming yourself for Jace’s injury,” she says.

My throat thickens, and I blink away the burn of tears. “I… Of course I am, but it’s not just that. It’s Anders. I think I messed up, Jess.”

“Talk to me,” she urges, voice soft and comforting.

The smile falls off my face. I confess everything that happened last night: Jace’s injury and surgery, my argument with Anders, then my conversation with Jace this morning.

Jess says, “I guess Jace is doing okay if he can give you shit.”

I give a defeated nod. “Yup. No broken arm is going to stop him from wrecking me emotionally, apparently.”

“He’s right, though. What’s going on? I thought you wanted a boyfriend.”

I wince. “I did, but—”

Blowing out a sigh, Jess sets her coffee down out of sight. “You felt guilty about Jace getting hurt, so you pushed him away topunish yourself. Jamie, being alone for the rest of your life won’t bring your parents back.”

A lump rises in my throat. “That’s not—”

“They wouldn’t want you to keep beating yourself up over their deaths.”

Blinking fast, I say, “I promised them I’d look after my brother.” From the moment I held him, all I’d wanted was to keep him safe. Sometimes I’d noticed the strain that raising two kids had put on my parents. How tired they were, the frustration they’d let slip. I’d felt bad and wanted to lighten their burden, so I’d taken it on myself to care for Jace: bottle-feeding him, being the first to comfort him when he cried at night, constantly keeping him in my sight so my parents could shop or do other chores. Even when they’d assured me Jace was their responsibility, I’d still been determined to help them.

“You’re allowed to be happy.” Jess’s soft, empathetic gaze makes it hard to hold in my tears. She sees through me to my very core, always has. “It’s fine to accept help, to trust another person to look after both of you. But denying yourself happiness? Is that really what they’d want?”

No. Of course not. My parents would want me to be happy, but that doesn’t make forgiving myself any easier. “If it weren’t for me, they’d still be here.” I wipe away the tear that spills free. “Ugh. This sucks. I hate being wrong.”

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