Page 13 of Benidorm Again

He taps his nose again with the wand, throwing me a sly side-eye. I have obviously interrupted his OCD routine, and this is the price I must pay. The lights dim further.

A single bright spotlight shines down on him. He is terrifying. He’s lifting his arms dramatically and pointing his wand high in the air, just as I feel the warm tickle of hot breath in my ear. It makes me jump out of my skin. ‘EXPELIARMUS!’ My voice echoes out across the whole auditorium at an ear-splitting pitch. ‘EXPELIARMUS… MUS… MUS!’

Fuckedy fuck.

There’s a deafening silence as my voice takes an eternity to bounce off every conceivable surface. The acoustics in here are unforgivably world-class. I catch a flash of amusement on the chorus girl’s face, as she steps away from me.

And like a scene from a horror movie, the conductor spins slowly in my direction. His eyes bulging from their sockets. I swallow the huge lump in my throat, feeling the weight of every single pair of eyes on me.

Luke steps towards me with an incredulous look on his face. ‘What the fuck was that?’

Three hours later, I flop down onto the hotel bed. ‘It can’t have gone that badly,’ soothes Ged as I bawl down the phone at him. ‘Besides, that’s what rehearsals are for. To get all the nerves out of the way before the big show.’

‘And at least you made a lasting impression,’ I hear Liam yelling from a distance. ‘Although I think wingardium leviosa would have gone down better.’

Ged stifles a giggle. ‘That was quite the knee-jerk reaction. What’s the cure for magical Tourette’s?’

‘It’s not funny,’ I snap. ‘I have to face the Maestro, and everyone else in less than two hours. He hates me. And it was all the chorus girl’s fault anyway. And I still need to get into costume and do my hair and make-up. I’m stressed to bits!’

I’m yelling. Thank God this is a posh hotel otherwise, the walls would be paper thin.

‘Why did I ever apply for this bloody job? I HATE IT! IT’S HORRIBLE! EVERYONE IS SO CREEPY AND OUT TO GET ME!’

There’s a thump against my wall that rattles the lamp. The walls are not as solid as they look.

‘Charming!’ a woman yells back through the wall. It sounds like Dolly.

Oh, my God.

I whisper to Ged that I’ve been overheard by the tour manager, and this sets him off giggling even more. ‘Christ, Connie, love. Why do you always turn everything into such a drama? Do you think, on some level, you’re addicted to catastrophising your life?’

He might have a point.

‘I dread to imagine what she’ll be like in Las Vegas,’ shouts Liam, bringing the attention back to himself. ‘Anything could happen! Anything from licking cocaine off Harry Styles’ smooth chest at some wild penthouse party, to waking up naked in the desert chained to a giant Bengal tiger.’

‘No. Not on my watch,’ I say, glad of the distraction. ‘I will have every minute accounted for.’

‘Between Connie and The Dollz, we’ll be lucky if someone doesn’t end up in a cell for the night or upsetting a mobster, and we have to run for our lives,’ laughs Ged.

Oh. My. God. They are confusing a relatively mild week of enjoying the tourist attractions, with the Hangover. They are also assuming that I’ve had two minutes to even think about it.

‘Can you send the schedule asap, please? I need to know how much gambling time you’ve allocated between activities. And Liam is desperate to include a haunted massage.’

‘Sorry. A what now?’

‘Ghosts do the massage apparently,’ says Ged, trying to disguise a hint of exasperation. But he’d do anything for Liam. ‘Unless you’ve already booked us one?’

‘Unless I’ve already booked you a haunted massage?’ I say. What type of pre-moon are they expecting? ‘Guys. Maybe it’s time we managed your expectations. I’d hate for you to –’

‘Ignore him. He’s trying to micromanage again. Ged, you promised me you wouldn’t. Just let Connie get on with it. But you have included a helicopter ride though, haven’t you, babes? And a celebrity house tour?’

They are as bad as each other.

I hurry them off the phone and get to work on my outfit, nerves shredded like confetti. The last thing I need is to think about Las Vegas and spending the whole time at the police station or at a seance or at the morgue identifying chewed body parts because they’ve been eaten by a bloody tiger.

I’m very much praying that I will be spending most of my time with Matteo.

PING.

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