Page 18 of Benidorm Again

‘I’ll be the judge of that. Let’s start from the beginning.’

‘Well, by the time I got changed and went to the stage door, most of themusicians had already left in the taxis.’

‘Convenient.’

‘He means gallant,’ says Liam.

‘Fortunately, Luke waited for me, which I didn’t know. Then, after he saved me from going under a bus, he insisted on taking me back to the hotel because I was a bit shaken.’

‘Like a stalker isolating its prey, yes, yes…’

‘Like a gentleman,’ Liam is having none of it. ‘Ignore him.’

‘But I didn’t want any fuss because literally everyone was staring at us, so we got in the next taxi. And when we arrived at the club, he went straight to the bar to get me a stiff drink.’

‘I think I can guess where this is leading,’ Ged says. ‘Was it spiked?’

I ignore him. ‘Then, he introduced me to some Dame or other, who is patron of the London Opera House, and she asked if Luke and I would consider an exclusive performance in front of the Royal family for some anniversary they are organising.’ My mind is still blown.

‘Where did this conversation take place exactly?’

‘In a privateroom at the club. It made sense to sit together… in a booth… away from the noise. Because of the shock from earlier.’

‘Cosy. Go on,’ Ged says, suddenly sounding like a Chief Inspector. ‘What happened next?’

‘I tried to make casual conversation and mentioned that Dolly, the tour manager…’

‘Is Dolly the woman who looks like a pudding?’

I nod guiltily. I’m a woman’s woman. I need to start thinking like one. I will start by being more charitable towards Dolly. She has to be everything to everyone all at once.

‘Who had previously claimed that she was not his wife? Yet conveniently failed to testify if he was married or unmarried?’

This is not the time to pull him on his semantics. ‘She has a really busy job. It’s like herding —’

‘Let’s stick to the facts.’

‘Ged, this isn’t a police report.’

‘Tell that to the judge when all of this goes to court.’

He’s transforming into Judge Judy before my very eyes. And Liam seems to quite like it.

‘So, I said to Luke, “Dolly told me she wasn’t your actual wife”. And he said, “No, of course she isn’t. It was youwho called her my wife. Anyway, she’s gay.” Then I said, “Oh really? That’s nice.” Because now I think back, I did refer to Dolly as his wife but he did play along with me which was a bit misleading. So I said, “You really must be clearer when declaring your relationship status”. Then he looked confused and turned back to talk to Dame whatever she was called. He thinks we should definitely do a private performance for the Royal family because it would open all sorts of doors for me.’

‘And you still don’t know if he is married to someone else?’

I shake my head.

‘Does he wear a ring or give off married vibes?’

‘No, but I suppose that isn’t evidence of being married these days. Anyway, like I said. There’s nothing to worry about. He saved my life; I’ll be forever grateful and we’re singing partners. Nothing more. Hardly seems relevant anyway, seeing as I’m not interested in him like that. He’s no match for Matteo.’

Ged ignores me. He’s seen how ridiculously good-looking Luke is for himself. Apparently, he’s blown up on TikTok. ‘Well, it’s great that he was there to save your life, but I’d watch out for him. Something doesn’t add up. And Liam says his eyes are too far apart. Still, well done tonight.I knew you’d smash it. We’re very proud of you. Can’t wait to see you at the end of the tour.’

‘I said his eyebrows were too far apart. Now get plenty of sleep,’ Liam says, blowing me a kiss. ‘You have a big day of avoiding temptation tomorrow.’

‘But I don’t find him remotely –’

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