Page 2 of Benidorm Again

Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

Oh, my word.It’s as though she was in the room watching. The Dollz burst into husky cackles as they stub out their ciggies and pile back onto the bus.

‘You can tell us all the sordid details on the way to the airport. We’re really friggin late now,’ complains Liberty.

Matteo rolls his eyes and swoops me into a quick embrace. ‘We’ll see each other soon.’

‘Put her down,’ yells Cherry from the window. ‘Don’t forget, Mr Fancy Pants, you invited us all to LA for a VIP experience.’

He looks momentarily startled. ‘Did I?’

All I can do is shrug. Cherry has a near photogenic memory for verbatim.

‘Okay, sure,’ he says with a resigned sigh. ‘Whatever.’

A huge cheer comes from the bus.

Poor man. He’ll probably live to regret that. I hope for his sake it never happens. The Dollz have really tested his patience this week. I give him a final kiss goodbye and jump on board with a huge smile on my face.

As we hurtle towards the airport in Jorge’s rickety little minibus, I sigh happily. This has been the BEST trip of my entire life. It has all happened so fast. One minute, I’m being sacked from my regular singing gig after being too miserable to sing anything other than tear-jerking ballads since my mother passed away. Then, the next minute, my agent, Nancy, rings with a chance for me to redeem myself, and I’m being flown to Benidorm to sing cheap covers to a sea of bald heads at Voices. I meet The Dollz, my insane but extremely talented support band. I fall head over heels in love with Matteo. And to top it all, when I least expected it, the Royal Northern Sinfonia finally accepted me into their organisation, after years of failed auditions.

‘I can’t believe we’ll be flying back out here in two weeks,’ says Tash. ‘It’s a good job my boss fancies me, otherwise if he didn’t give me the holidays off work I’d be telling him to shove it.’

As support bands go, The Dollz, might be a bloody nightmare to work with, but I have grown to love and adore every single one of them. Even Cherry and Tash, who are the scariest Geordie women on Earth. Liberty, Big Mand and Big Sue nod in agreement. They are nothing if not very committed to their part-time singing careers.

‘We’re so jealous,’ says Liam. ‘We’ve absolutely loved Benidorm. It feels like our spiritual home.’

‘We’re thinking we might even get married out here.’ Ged butts in.

This is news to me.

‘How romantic,’ gushes Tash. ‘Are you having a stag do?’

Ged shakes his head. ‘That sounds too animal cruelty or whatever. We’re having a PMS.’

‘PMS?’

‘Pre-moon spree,’ Liam says, his eyes lighting up. ‘It’s our pre-moon. Like a honeymoon but even more exciting and lavish.’

Of course. Why ever not?

‘Are you sure that’s how you want to describe it?’ I say cautiously, visualising the invitations going out.

‘We’ll have a full week of PMS.’

It’s like he can’t hear himself.

‘You’ll be wanting the Mariah Carey of pre-moons, with all the necessary glitz and glamour required to see off your single years in style,’ says Big Mand nodding. ‘Who wouldn’t?’

Of course, they will need a diva spree of opulent proportions.

‘And, Connie, we’d like you to be our BEST WOMAN!’ says Liam theatrically, throwing his arms wide.

Oh my.

I lean over to hug them, squealing. ‘Of course, I will!’ I’m so full of joy I think I’ll burst. I love them both so much.

‘We’ve seen each other through the best of times and the worst of times,’ announces Liam, looking lovingly at Ged. This is true. None of us will forget Ged’s flirtation with lip fillers in a hurry. Liam sweeps his gaze around The Dollz. ‘And obviously, you will all be invited.’

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