Page 4 of Benidorm Again

‘So, how are things in LA?’ I say, anxious to change the subject.

Ged and Liam inch forward in their seats. They too, are intrigued to hear how things are going in LA.

‘I’m going to be working in the studio for the next week or so and might not get another chance to ring. How are you feeling about the Sinfonia tour?’ he asks. ‘I know you have some doubts about fitting in, but you’ll be great. Iknow you will.’ His comforting words immediately put me at ease.

We talk for an hour as I ask him all about LA and the artists he is working with. And he asks about my dad and how the hiking weekend at the Lakes has gone with his new girlfriend, Madge. It is a development that I am still trying to process.

‘Say hello to Ged and Liam for me,’ he says as our conversation draws to a close.

I glance over, smiling.

They are still on the sofa listening in, riveted. I really must entertain the idea of introducing them to a hobby. Crocheting hats or making their own vegan sausage or something. Liam fancies Matteo as much as I do because he is so ridiculously good-looking. Which is something I am absolutely not going to do (anymore), judge Matteo on his superior looks.

‘As soon as I’ve finished in the studio, I’m taking a few days off. Would you have time in your busy schedule to fly out to see me in Vegas?’ Matteo asks suddenly, causing me to instantly drop the phone again, cutting him off in the process.

Christ Almighty.

Ged swoops down to pick it up. He gives me a baffled look and calmly rings Matteo back, handing it over when he picks up.

Matteo is laughing. ‘So, is that a yes?’

Oh my life.Just the thought of seeing him again after weeks apart is knee-trembling.

‘Yes, she’d love to!’ yells Liam across the room.

And just like that, I’ve arranged to go and meet the absolute love of my life in Las Vegas.

Later that evening, the full reality of it all hits me, as I stand at the mantlepiece in our living room. I go over the plan once more in my head. I leave Newcastle tomorrow for a one-week tour with the Sinfonia. We are performing in three major cities in the North of England. First is Manchester, then York, then back to Newcastle. Immediately afterwards, I resume my residency at Voices in Benidorm. They are happy to be super flexible with me while I juggle all of my singing commitments. God, it sounds so exciting. I can barely believe it is me who I’m talking about.

I blow my cheeks out at the thought of the mammoth task ahead. I will need decent clothes for Las Vegas.Decent, fashionista-type attire. Not the elaborately bouffant gowns I’ll be wearing for the Sinfonia. Not the tiny, stripper, pole-dancing costumes The Dollz insist I wear in Benidorm as part of the ‘look’, and definitely not the dowdy wine-stained rags I’ve been moping around in for two years since my beloved mother passed away.

My mother.

My lovely, kind, funny, talented mother who I’ll never see ever again. I still can’t believe that I’ll be singing on the same stage as she did, with the same orchestra, wearing similar costumes and performing to the same audiences, but I’ll never ever get to hear her sing. Or see her. Or speak to her. Or hug her, ever again. And she’ll never get to see me up on stage. A wave of grief engulfs me from out of nowhere. I take a deep breath in and place my hand gently on my chest as it washes over me. Sadness, pain, panic, despair, dread. I close my eyes and let the images of my mother lying ill in a hospital bed fly around. I try to conjure up some nicer images from when we were younger. Before she got sick. Before our lives fell apart. But they’re not coming yet. My dad says they will come back to me over time. He says how much time it takes is different for everyone.

I feel like I’ve been waiting around in a numb haze forever. But at least, thanks to The Dollz and Matteo comingunexpectedly into my life, I have started feeling emotions again. I am no longer the empty husk that I’ve been for two years. Just the thought of Matteo creates a warm feeling deep within. I focus on his kind eyes and the smile that lights up his entire face. It seeps through my bones like an elixir, helping the fear and dread recede until I feel back to normal.

I open my eyes at the sound of the door creaking.

‘So, we’ve had a long talk about it,’ says Liam, coming into the living room with two glasses of wine in his hands. He gives me one. I’d take a guess at what they’re talking about, but really, it could be anything from creamed asparagus to a colonic steam.

‘We’re celebrating again?’ I ask. I shouldn’t be surprised. Last night we stayed up until two in the morning celebrating their one-month-a-versary as a newly engaged couple. At this rate, I’m going to turn up to the Sinfonia tomorrow looking like I spent the night sleeping rough under a bridge.

‘Our pre-moon spree will be held…’ Liam says, drum rolling his hands on the sofa to mine the reveal for all the drama he can get.

It must be somewhere super exotic. Thailand. Fiji. Maybe it is one of those ultra-high, super-expensive jobbies in Dubai. They have sparkles coming out of their eyes. Theyhave also been to the dentist for some extra-bright whitening treatment. I’m dazzled.

They look at each other triumphantly.

‘In Las Vegas!’ they yell in unison.

Oh, shit.

‘The most romantic place on Earth. The city where dreams are made. The city of love. And gay rights,’ Liam sighs lovingly at Ged. I avert my gaze while they take a moment to stare into each other’s eyes and clasp hands melodramatically.

‘Lovely. So lovely.’ I have a smile plastered on my face. ‘When exactly?’

I know when. Why am I bloody bothering?

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