Page 50 of Benidorm Again

‘When your mother was homesick, she had the exact same look as you’ve got now,’ Dolly tells me. ‘And do you know what I used to say?’

I shake my head.

‘I used to say, “Think of him. Think of your father” and she used to perk right up and go out on stage and give herall.’

‘My mother used to think of her father?’ I say, confused. ‘My grandad?’ I never knew him, God rest his soul.

‘No. Not her father, your father. She was madly in love with him. Her eyes would glaze over at the mention of him. They were head over heels for each other.’

I wonder what she’d make of Dad’s – let’s face it – mid-life crisis hummus-coloured hairdo, his shirt-tie-jeans combo and his newly frozen face. Dating the second time around has not agreed with him, but you couldn’t accuse him of not trying. He is panic-dating and jumping on board with what seems like all the trends. He has the beginnings of a moustache and is letting his hair grow out at the back to cultivate a mullet. Madge has introduced him to the wonders of Botox, and he has embraced it in a fool-hardy fashion because he has been swept up in the early bloom of an exciting, new romance. But at least he seems happy. It has been a long and painful road to recovery for both of us.

‘They were so in love. Until you came along,’ Dolly laughs, bringing me back to the present. ‘Then they just seemed knackered all the time! But those were her happiest days, she’d always say. Love conquers all.’

That’s it. A lightbulb pings to life in my brain. All I need to do is think of Matteo. It has worked before. It will work tonight.

‘Thank you, Dolly,’ I say. ‘Great advice.’

I finish off slapping make-up on my face and Dolly helps me into the first gown. Who cares about Luke? I must put it all behind me and move on. I’m a grown-ass woman. I’m on a mission to rebuild my reputation and make a successful career out of singing.

My phone pings. It is Big Sue. She has taken over command of operation LoveBomb. She has assembled a crack team. They will cover both nights. She will make sure I am safe.

Ping.

Tash is messaging to say that she has already issued a warning to Luke via social media.

Ping.

Cherry has sent him a gif of someone being waterboarded.

Ping.

Liberty will be running interference with Big Mand. They have me covered. One wrong move, and they will jettison Luke from the stage faster than he can blink. Apparently, they are standing guard right outside my door.

I turn my phone off with a sigh. It’s lovely to know they all have my back, but sometimes… a girl just has to fight her own battles. There’s a knock at the door.

A voice yells through. ‘Two minutes to showtime. Coast is clear. Roger that.’

I’d recognise Big Mand’s no-nonsense voice anywhere. I’m instantly lifted. It’s great to know they are there. I will fight my own battle another time.

‘How would you know? You’ve been outside having a ciggie,’ Liberty argues outside the door. ‘I’ve been the one keeping guard.’

Big Mand sounds quick to retaliate. ‘Cheeky cow. You just spent thirty minutes at the bar. And you forgot my pint of pale ale.’

‘I didn’t forget it,’ I hear Liberty defending herself. ‘I was sick of holding it, so I drank it while you were outside smoking.’

I fling open the door to prevent the argument from escalating. Their faces break into wide smiles, and it is lovely to see them. They have come dressed as crack-whores, and Big Mand still has her arm in a sling from Benidorm – don’t ask.

As we bustle down the corridor, we pass Luke coming out of his dressing room. Big Mand booms, ‘DO NOT ENGAGE.’ She has a hand to her earpiece.

‘You have earpieces?’ I ask, astounded.

‘TARGETIN SIGHT,’ she roars, ignoring me. ‘REPEAT. TARGET IN SIGHT.’

There’s a cackling sound followed by a muffled response from Big Mand’s earpiece. ‘Roger that. What’s your twenty? Over.’

Luke’s bewildered face falls a hundred feet. He steps aside and has the decency not to make eye-contact as we charge past. He leaves a few seconds before I hear him follow cautiously behind.

We can be civil with each other. We both have to rise above this and be professional. That reminds me.Gah!I need to speak with the Maestro.

---