Page 55 of Benidorm Again

‘There’s no denying that the two of you have explosive chemistry,’ she says. ‘Sure, you hate each other now, but your voices work incredibly well together. Do you know how rare that is?’

‘We sounded ‘dreadful’, remember?’

‘I’m not even sure the audience noticed, love. You still got a standing ovation.’

This is true.

‘Well, at least I won’t have to see him again after tonight. He’ll probably hop on a private jet back to Norway so he can escape having to marry a royal lesbian. If that’s even true.’

I sound petty.

Dollysmiles. ‘Let’s hope so, eh? Just ignore him at the Sinfonia farewell tour do.’

‘Oh, God. Do I have to go?’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you going?’ I ask. I don’t want to go without her. I’m not sure anyone will be speaking to me.

Dolly does an embarrassed cough. ‘It’s at an exclusive club. They won’t let people who look like me in. Too fat and frumpy, I’m afraid, love.’ She shrugs, her cheeks beginning to redden. ‘You go though. It’s an important tradition. Besides, no one ever notices that I’m not at these things.’

Oh, Dolly.My hearts slumps in recognition. The lack of confidence. The lack of self-esteem.

‘Listen, why don’t we go somewhere else to celebrate instead? Besides, they’ll be relieved that I’m not there to cause a scene.’

Dolly sounds pleased. ‘Really? That would be lovely. I’d like to celebrate the end of this crackpot tour before I start my next one with the very down-to-earth Southbank Sinfonia. At least everyone is more friendly there and not as dramatic.’

‘Oh, so you manage other classical tours? Not just this one?’

‘You haveto in this line of work. There’s no such thing as full-time, anywhere.’

‘True. I start my Benidorm gigs the day after tomorrow.’

‘So, I guess we’ll see each other on the next Royal Northern Sinfonia tour.’

‘If they’ll still have me.’

There’s a loud knock on the door, and in burst The Dollz looking fabulous in full hair, make-up and fake tan.

‘Dolly, meet The Dollz,’ I say.How did I not spot this link sooner?

Their eyes light up.

‘We could do so much with you, babes,’ says Liberty, making a beeline for Dolly. ‘We could do a full face, a high hair and I’m thinking a blurred lip.’

‘You definitely need some of these stretchy wonder pants off TikTok. I carry a spare set at all times. Just in case. It would take years off.’ Big Mand slings a pair of knickers at her. ‘Put them on.’

Dolly regards me with alarm.

‘It might be easier to do everything they tell you,’ I explain.

While Dolly plonks herself down in the chair, Cherry takes out a brush, Liberty unpacks her make-up, Big Mand sorts through the wardrobe of stuff I brought with me tochange into, while Tash launches at Dolly with a giant pair of tweezers.

Twenty-five minutes later, Dolly can barely believe her eyes. She looks fabulous. She’s patting her hair and feeling her face as though discovering her cheek bones for the first time. She’s smoothing down the dress they have squeezed her into. It’s the abandoned green gown from York that I bought. Cherry ripped off the blousy sleeves, put a belt round the waist to hoik up the length and, somehow, made a perfectly lovely dress out of it. Dolly is over the moon with gratitude.

‘Constance,’ she says. ‘I think I would like to go to the end of tour celebration, after all. If that’s okay with you?’

‘Is there a free bar?’ Tash asks.

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