Page 63 of Benidorm Again

Chapter 23

After a rather sleepless night, the day has finally arrived to travel to Benidorm. This is the build-up to Ged and Liam’s BIG pre-moon spree. With their wedding potentially months away, this is them going out with a bang to celebrate their last weeks of freedom in style. And everything needs to be perfect. And by perfect, I mean they need to be the centre of attention at all times. The whole trip needs to be all about them and micromanaged like a Las Vegas casino heist.

Ged, Liam and I are waiting at the check-in desk with our luggage trolley piled impossibly high, when we hear an almighty racket coming from the other side of the concourse. I know without even turning around that it is The Dollz. They have a trolley each, piled high to an excessive degree. They are squabbling over whether they should split the fees for being ‘overweight’ between the group orwhether poor individual packing and case management is to blame.

‘Definitely split all the fees,’ I say firmly, bringing an immediate halt to the argument. The costs for this trip are escalating by the second. ‘Add them to our WhatsApp total and I’ll work out how much it is for everyone while we are in Vegas. For now, let’s dump everything on my credit card.’

This brings a sigh of relief from the girls. Tash swoops towards me in a cloud of perfume and hairspray. ‘Thanks, babes. I haven’t got the headspace for working things out right now. I just need to focus on what’s important.’ She flicks Ged and Liam an adoring smile.

‘Honey, we love that you’re all so invested,’ Liam says, beginning to well up. ‘Celebrating this happiest time in our lives with us, it means everything.’ He swishes his hand over his face. ‘Everything.’

Ged steps in. He has been practising a variety of speeches all week. ‘You are like family,’ he says, taking his fiancé’s hand and clamping it to his heart dramatically. ‘There’s no one we’d rather share our happiness with. This week isn’t just about us. Please don’t make us the centre of attention the whole time. We just want you all to have an amazing experience.’

Ged and Liam do namaste hands at us. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that this week is all about them. They absolutely do want us to make sure they are the centre of attention the whole time. And it’s ALL about them having an amazing experience. And my job is to make that happen for them.

‘Thank goodness,’ says Tash, beaming. ‘Because I’ve invited Sister Kevin to come to Vegas. And we’ll need a bit of quality time together.’

Ged and Liam’s faces fall instantly. ‘You’ve invited him to our pre-moon?’

Tash carries on as though everyone is now riveted at her plans for the week. ‘No, don’t be silly. I would have asked you first.’

‘But he’s still coming to Las Vegas at the same time we’ll be there celebrating?’

This is a bit rich coming from Ged. Only five minutes ago, everyone was muscling in on my BIG romantic break away with Matteo, and nobody seemed to mind about that. I’ll have to let it go.

‘Yes. It’s his BIG birthday next week,’ Tash says, seemingly oblivious. ‘And we are in a mutually exclusive relationship now, remember?’

‘How BIG is this birthday?’ Liam is quick to ask.

‘Big,’Tash says, leaving it at that.

‘Couldn’t you take him somewhere else afterwards? For his BIG birthday?’ Ged asks.

‘No,’ Tash begins to screw her eyes at him. ‘I’m organising a surprise for him. And it needs to be in Vegas.’

This is the first we’re all hearing of Tash having alternate plans for the week. This is just what I need. An added complication to factor in.

‘He looks about thirty-five to me,’ says Cherry, causing us to silently ask via eye contact with one another whether this is in fact, a BIG birthday. ‘What surprise have you got in mind?’

‘I thought I’d surprise him…’ Tash beams at Cherry and excitedly grabs her hands before looking at each of us in turn. She takes an exaggerated breath in and squeals loudly, ‘… with a baby!’

We all take a beat to let this land. Questions fly through my mind. They’ve only been together for a few weeks, and most of that has been under the influence. Where will she get a baby to wrap up? It’s not like you can just go into a shop and buy one. Unless she has bought one online already.

The mystery is revealed.

‘You’re pregnant?’ Cherry chokes on the words.

Very recent memories of Tash, paralytic at the Sinfonia end-of-tour party, making a huge show of downing a bottle of prosecco, and then throwing it dramatically over her shoulder come flooding back. The crack it made along the entire length of the mirrored wall could be heard over the music. It sounded like gunfire, judging by the screams from the poor people sitting at the tables below.

Tash takes in our shocked expressions and shakes her head, laughing. ‘Not yet. No. But nearly. You know. When we get there.’

‘So, the plan is to trick him into impregnating you, then you surprise him with the news on his birthday?’ asks Big Sue in her stern social worker voice.

I’m also pretty sure that if you’re going to raise a family with someone, it’s the done thing to at least find out his surname first. She has called him Sister Kevin since we met him and the rest of the bearded nuns, in Benidorm.

‘And we’ll definitely be naming the baby Vegas!’ Sparkles are shooting out of her eyes. ‘Whether it’s a boy or a girl.’

‘That’s not really a reason to do the deed in Vegas, love,’ says Big Sue. ‘You could do the deed back home and still call it Vegas.’

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