Page 88 of Benidorm Again

Nobody is speaking to Liberty because she is still laughing over Cherry.

Tash has locked herself in her room and is refusing to speak to Sister Kevin without telling him why.

Cherry has locked herself in the bathroom and is refusing to come out.

Nacho is standing looking guilty. He can’t run off because he needs to check the villa before releasing the deposit back to Nancy, and he needs everyone to hand back the sets of keys.

I keep picturing him pounding into Liberty while poor Cherry is being tossed around like a ragdoll, asleep right next to them. What were they thinking? They could have at least rolled her onto the floor.

It is awkward. Very awkward. And I feel responsible for at least trying to get everyone back on track. After all, they’ve all helped me at one time or another. For which I am eternally grateful.

‘Sue, you were amazing,’ I tell her. ‘If you hadn’t started asking questions, this whole scenario might have gone very differently. You may well have saved a marriage, and eventhough you have a lot on your plate, you still came to the rescue. Thank you.’

She shrugs and gives me a half-smile.

‘She’s right,’ says Liberty. ‘Sisters before misters. You always have our backs. Every single time there’s a drama.’ Liberty goes over to Big Sue. ‘I’m sorry for being such a cow. I’m just sick of being lonely. You lot are all so loved up, and I never seem to find anyone.’

There’s a silence where we all wait to see how Big Sue will react.

‘I guess we don’t make it easy for you either, Libs,’ says Big Mand, jumping in to save Big Sue from answering. ‘I’m sorry if I always hog Sue to myself but…well, we’re…’ Big Mand smiles over to Big Sue. They lock eyes for what seems like forever. We all seem to be holding our breath.

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Jorge has arrived just in time to pop the atmosphere like a balloon.

Big Sue smiles shyly back at Big Mand, and they both share what appears to be a moment of truce.

‘Come here yer daft slappers,’ says Liberty, dragging them both into a hug. ‘You don’t have to explain anything to anyone. Unless you want to. And FYI whateverisgoing on, we already know about so… just saying.’

How isthat helping?

‘I’ll go check on Cherry,’ I say, desperate to escape before the situation escalates yet again.

‘It’s okay,’ says Liberty. ‘I’ve got this. She was exactly the same the last time she found out she was preggers. She’ll be savage for the next 24 hours at least.’

Great news. Cherry is going to go nuclear on board the flight to Vegas.

‘I’m going to go and find another outfit. I can’t travel in this because…’ Liam fiddles with the shorts.

‘NO TIME!’ barks Big Sue. ‘EVERYONE GET YOUR BAGS AND RENDEZVOUS OUTSIDE AT THE BUS. WE’LL SWAP COSTUMES AT THE AIRPORT.’

‘Good plan. If only Tash could get her shit together, we’d be ready to go,’ says Big Mand.

‘Leave that to me,’ Big Sue volunteers, and within minutes, I am staring at a full group.

‘Wow,’ says Ged. ‘They can really move when they need to.’ We are standing outside the villa by the minibus. Jorge is smoking his usual cigarette and looking at his watch. We areonly running twenty minutes late. A new record for us. He looks pleased.

‘Nacho,’ I say. ‘Could you please take a group photo of us by the bus with our bags ready to go?’

Nacho takes my phone from me. ‘No problem.’

I organise everyone into a group. ‘I’m going to document the whole journey for scrap-booking purposes, and potentially get it made into rolls of wallpaper and items of clothing.’

No one bats an eyelid at the latest of Ged and Liam’s crackpot requests. We shuffle around, ensuring Ged and Liam are at the front and centre. While Nacho is indicating for us to move an inch to the left, an inch to the right, my phone goes off in his hand.

‘Hola tio!’ he says, his face lighting up. Cripes, it can only be Matteo. I listen to Nacho rapidly explain that he is taking a group photo. I see him fiddle with some buttons and then confirm he has sent him a copy. Then I hear him explain to Matteo that we are all going to the airport.

Shite.

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