Page 15 of Girls Just Want to Have Sun

After I see him out, I accidentally catch sight of myself in the patio door reflection. My right eye has swollen up and is all but closed. My hair has frizzed in the heat but only on one side and my face is glistening with sweat. All I’d need are a few smears of blood on my face and some rubble in my hair and I could easily pass for the victim of a major earthquake. I should totally get a grip of myself. There was no lusty glint in Nacho’s eye. It was pity. Or worse, he’s simply a polite landlord with a clear and procedural check-in routine.

What was I even thinking?

After I have unpacked and located an ice pack for my eye, I go through to the pool. Big Mand and Big Sue emerge from the patio doors into the bright sun. I am relieved to hear the bickering has stopped and they have huge smiles on their faces and seem super relaxed.

‘We’ve just downed four tequila shots each,’ Big Mand says, offering me a swig from the bottle they are carrying.

‘Maybe later,’ I say hesitantly. ‘I still need to run through my set list, decide on my costumes, do my vocal chanting exercises, you know, that sort of thing. At least swimming is good for the lungs.’

When they don’t respond, I put down my melted ice pack and slip into the cool water. I notice Big Mand gazing wistfullyafter Big Sue, watching as she dives into the pool and executes a perfect Olympic-style turn before swimming underwater back towards us. Big Sue’s legs are even longer than mine and she has a rose-vine-type thing climbing all the way from her toes right up her left leg to her crotch.

‘I love your tattoo,’ I say as she emerges for air, to get her back on side.

‘Mandeep has a great one,’ Big Sue says. ‘Show her.’

I try not to look prudish as Big Mand pulls her bikini down below her bottom.

‘It’s the entire cast ofThe Greatest Showman,’ Big Sue says proudly.

‘And I’ve got Sanskrit writing down my arms,’ says Big Mand, showing a tramline of writing down the inside of each arm to her wrists. ‘It’s out of respect for my Indian heritage.’

‘What does it say?’

‘“If the doors of perception were cleansed”’ – Big Mand pauses for dramatic effect – ‘“everything would appear to woman as it is: infinite.”’

There’s a small silence as they absorb the enormity of this wisdom.

‘So beautiful,’ says Big Sue, her eyes glistening with wonder.

What did I miss? What am I not getting?

I’m too embarrassed to admit to being baffled, so when I make the mistake of admitting that I don’t have any tattoos, you’d think I’d let down women everywhere.

‘What? Not even a little back tattoo?’ Big Mand says, appalled.

I shake my head.

‘Not even some stars under your hairline at the back of your neck? Surely everyone has some of those?’ They both lift up their hair to show a trail of stars.

‘No.’

‘Not even some ankle flowers?’ Big Mand lifts her foot to display daisies sprinkled around the outside.

‘No.’

‘Nothing on your vagina?’

‘Definitely not. No,’ I say before either one of them can show me an example.

‘Honestly, Connie, what is wrong with you?’ Big Sue says in a tone that assumes laziness is at the root. I’ve blown it with them again.

Tash emerges to let us know how blessed the whole villa is and how blessed she is with her beautiful room and how blessed this Jacuzzi is and how blessed Spain is to have us all there and that she’s thinking of suing Newcastle Airport over her throbbing ankle. Alcoholic fumes billow from her glossy pink lips.

‘Are we doing “Tash or Gash” tonight?’ Cherry yells over from the patio doors.

Sweet baby Jesus, what on earth does that even mean?

‘Does a bear shit in the woods?’ Tash brays with laughter. ‘We’re meeting the nuns tonight at 9p.m. so if we go out at 8p.m. that’ll give us time to see what other fellas are out beforehand and we can play “Tash or Gash” then.’

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