Page 53 of Girls Just Want to Have Sun

Back at the villa, I rummage through the pile of new clothes for the least sexy outfit to wear tonight. My decision-making this afternoon has left a lot to be desired as I sift through the Barbie-sized garments. I want to give Matteo the right impression. I fear I may have come across as sex crazed. I must also undernocircumstances make a right fool of myself by drinking too much. I wander into the kitchen to see the girls have outdone themselves in the competition for heavy make-up, their lashes like industrial street sweepers.

‘Connie, that dress looks like a second skin. It leaves nothing to the imagination,’ says Tash approvingly. ‘Just hitch it up a bit, babes. Fabulous!’

Oh dear Christ.

And before we know it, we’ve all had four slammers each! My eyes are wide with liquor, and I feel invincible. Tonight, I will be putting all these embarrassing episodes, that happen literally every time I come within an inch of Matteo, well and truly behind me.

‘Hasn’t the trip been great so far?’ asks Cherry. ‘So much has happened. I haven’t missed Tony or the kids once. Not once.’

‘Yeah, remember how funny it was at the airport when Tash brought down all of those shelves in duty-free and we couldn’t get away quick enough?’ says Big Sue.

‘I’ve still got that bearded paramedic’s number,’ says Tash with a wink. ‘But he’s no Sister Kevin.’

I remember Matteo having a panic attack on the plane and me helping him, and us getting lost in a crazy, private moment here at the villa.

‘I still can’t believe you all thought I’d been out with you on that first night, when I hadn’t,’ I remind them.

‘Where were you?’ asks Big Mand, screwing her eyes to remember. ‘What happened to the wheel of Brie?’

‘Matteo ran me over with his moped on the way back from the supermarket,’ I sigh. ‘It was incredibly romantic.’

‘He ran you over?’

‘Uh-huh,’ I say, distracted at how so much has happened in such a short time. ‘He was tracking me because I’d stolen his phone by mistake. He was very courageous. I could have died.’

They roll their eyes theatrically.

‘You might have that Stockholm syndrome. Here, have some more,’ says Big Sue, pouring another round. ‘You’ll need it for where we’re going.’

I frown.

‘Don’t worry, babes. I’ll be your role model and mentor for the rest of this trip,’ volunteers Tash. ‘Now repeat after me. I am a confident, powerful, sexually ambitious woman.’

‘I am a confident, erm, sexually, yes, sexually ambitious, powerful woman,’ I say to the girls, sloshing tequila as I wave my glass around.

And I’m sure I will be once I’ve convinced myself.

‘Exactly,’ agrees Cherry, knocking back her shot and wincing as she sucks on the slice of lemon. ‘Yes, we are beautifully flawedwomen with runaway libidos, but we don’t need men to feel good about ourselves.’

We drink a shot to such profound wisdom.

‘We just need each other. Sisters before misters!’ yells Liberty.

This also sounds wise. We drink another.

‘Hoes before bros,’ Big Sue cheers.

We couldn’t agree more. And another.

‘Keen women of substance!’ I join in, feeling myself spiralling as the alcohol rushes to my head. I slam down the glass, narrowly missing the bench, and it smashes on the floor. And even though it’s hilarious, they all seem exasperated. Another shot is hurriedly placed in front of me just as I have a light-bulb moment.

I gasp loudly. I’ve just realised something very important. ‘I am a confident, powerful,sexually ambitiouswoman!’ I say, perhaps for the first time. ‘And you.’ I point at Big Mand. She will want to know this about herself. ‘You are a powerful, sexy woman, and you.’ I point at Big Sue. ‘You are a powerful giantess, a huge, powerful gladiator.’

‘Great. Come on, bitches, let’s go!’ Cherry barks at me.

I should tell Cherry how much I admire her directness. No messing. She tells her absolute truth. I sling my arm around Cherry’s thin, bony shoulders. ‘I love you, Chezza. You’re so bossy.’

‘Big Sue,’ she says. ‘Can you carry Connie out to the taxi, love?’

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