Page 58 of Girls Just Want to Have Sun

It is thrilling! Iloveit. I could squeal with excitement, but I should try to play it cool. I’d like to appear as though this isn’t the most exhilarating thing I’ve done in my entire life, even though it absolutely is.

‘This is so amazing, isn’t it?’ I yell over the roar of the engine.

Matteo says nothing.

He’s either sulking or incredibly blasé, perhaps because he does this every day of the week. Unless he isn’t and he can’t hear for the noise? I slow down for fear of going too fast and crashing into one of the other jet skis and become immediately conscious of not being able to see Matteo’s hands on the side handles. I swivel round and eye the empty seat behind me with dismay.

Sweet baby Jesus.

I frantically scan the immediate vicinity. I can’t see him bobbing in the water nearby. I retrace my steps as it were, back into the marina, and spot his head bobbing up and down metres from the departure point. I reach him just as he climbs wearilyout and up the ramp. He stands with his hands on his hips, his head tipped accusingly to one side.

‘I didn’t do it on purpose,’ I yell over, cutting the engine, allowing the jet ski to float up to him. He’s got fronds of sea kelp in his hair. His bandage is lost at sea. He’s picked up some engine grease from the thin layer of petrol lying on top of the water. Looks like it’ll stain his shorts. I best not mention it. Not after what happened on the plane. I try not to stare at how ripped he is. Or how the tattoo sleeve on his arm moves with every muscle. Even half-covered in slime, he’s magnificent.

Credit where credit’s due, he wades back in and hops on without saying anything. I put my hands nervously on the handlebars. I turn to give him a reassuring grin. I hope he can’t tell that I’m now shitting myself. Just as I twist the throttle, his hands cover mine. I glance down at his tanned fingers. It feels very intimate, and a white-hot shoot of electricity runs through me. I wait to see what he does next. He applies a tiny amount of pressure, guiding me to twist the accelerator slowly, and we gently pick up speed and expertly glide out of the marina.

Suddenly, I can think of nothing else but his hands on mine. His skin feels hot, and it’s making me prickle all over.

‘You might want to watch where you’re going,’ he says in my ear. It sends delicious currents down my neck.

I nod, not trusting myself to speak. My whole body has started to tingle.

‘Seriously. Watch where you’re going.’

I nod, daring to glance back at him so he can see my big cow eyes from close up. Water is spraying over him.

‘Left, Connie, left!’

He has such dark eyes to match his thick, dark hair, which is swaying very attractively in the breeze.

‘No, other left!’

Gaaaah!He sounds so masterful as he leans in and gently swerves the jet ski so we can avoid a boat coming in and a group doing doggie yoga on paddleboards.

We don’t go as fast as the others but make sure to keep up at the back. I am finding the experience invigorating. I cannot believe I’m doing this. By the time we reach the caves, I am ecstatic. The others have already jumped off the jet skis, leaving them afloat in the cove, and are swimming into the caves. The water is so clear it’s almost fluorescent with vividly coloured fish of all shapes and sizes. It feels as though I’m in an exotic dream. This can’t be me. I wish my mother could see me now. She’d never believe it. The rest of the group disappear deeper into the darkness to explore the nearby caves.

‘You coming?’ Matteo asks.

Now is not the time to tell him I’ve developed a crush on him that is so overpowering it has affected my ability to swim. My body has literally turned to jelly. I need to get a grip. This is ridiculous. He can’t be interested in me after the show I’ve made of myself, and I shouldn’t be interested in him either. It’s too soon. Or maybe it’s been too long. Either way, he is way out of my league and I’m going back to my humdrum life in a couple of days.

‘I’ll catch you up,’ I say.

He dives off the jet ski and swims into the dark depths while I slip into the water and float on my back at the cave entrance to let the experience soak in. I stare up to the cave roof high above me and wonder at the rock formations twinkling away. The Dollz’ words echo in my brain.I’m a strong, powerful woman. I deserve happiness. I must keep reminding myself of that. I should put these affirmations into the universe, so they come true. I check to make sure I am alone.

‘I am a strong, independent woman!’ I shout up to the ceiling and listen to the echo.

What else do I need to be?

This is the most at peace I have felt in a long time. I’ve been in Spain less than a week and have already felt more emotions than I have in the last couple of years. In a way it feels as though I’m being shaken awake.

‘I am a confident, powerful, sexy woman!’

No, that sounds too much.

I hear Ged and Liam in my head telling me that life doesn’t always turn out how you expect but that doesn’t mean I have to remain so bitter and miserable about it. I have been bitter since my mother passed. This is very true. Perhaps I should be more honest with myself.

‘I am a sometimes lonely, often bitter woman with the ability to cope adequately when the need arises!’

Hmmmm. More accurate but far less punchy.

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