Page 52 of Unexpected Adventures

“You may notneedhelp, but wouldn’t it be nice to have the support? I’d go with you if I could, but I’m sorry I can’t miss work tomorrow.” She studies me. “What are you afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid of anything,” I answer hastily. I throw the borrowed clothes on the bed, unconcerned that I should be the polite guest and find the laundry room to put them in.

“Yes you are. You’re afraid of letting someone in… afraid his feelings may be too good to be true, and you don’t want to risk the hurt. So, you’re going to be the one to push him away and, what? Spare your feelings?”

“Don’t, Denise. I don’t have time to delve into all this shit.”

Denise gasps, because, damn, I really don’t talk like that, and it surprises us both.

I shake my head. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. Look, can we just go? I want to get to Sylvia as quickly as I can.”

“Abby, don’t regret what you’re about to do.”

“And what do you think I’m about to do that I’ll regret?”

“You’re about to throw away a chance at something great between you and that wonderful man downstairs. Did you or did you not have a great night with him?”

I cram my feet into her sandals as I mutter, “Yes.”

“And while I’d love to hear all the details, did you or did you not have sex with him?”

I stand upright a little too quickly, causing me to sway for a moment before steadying myself. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“It’s everything! You gave yourself to that man! You relinquished your virginity. And I’m sure that’s not something you just decided on a whim. You gave it thought. Your feelings for him were spontaneous yet true. You two…”

“Denise, stop. Don’t start with your ‘you two were meant to be together and your connection is so right’, blah, blah, blah. I need to go.” I check to make sure I have the few things I brought with me, trying not to notice her shocked and hurt expression. Seems I’m becoming quite skilled at hurting those I care about.

I nearly stop in my tracks at my thoughts, knowing I do indeed care about Shaun, and that his concern for me, although sweet, has me guarding myself.

But why? Why am I so reluctant to let him care for me?

Because what if I lean too much, fall too hard, and get hurt in the process? Denise said that’s part of life. Well, I don’t think I want any part of it. So, yes, I’ll spare myself those awful feelings before they become too deep. Before they take hold and I can’t shake them without losing part of myself.

“Abby?”

“Let’s just go, okay?” Suddenly I feel wiped out, and the morning has barely begun.

Denise just purses her lips and nods as she follows me out of the room and back downstairs. I have no choice but to go back through the kitchen. I really don’t want to see Shaun’s hurt or anger, so why am I pitifully disappointed when he’s nowhere in sight? Only Sarah stands near the counter, a paper bag, water bottle, and a tumbler nearby.

“I thought you might need something for the drive, Abby,” she says cautiously.

“Thank you, Sarah. I’m sorry for my behavior. Sorry you had to witness me being a bitch.”

She snorts out a little laugh and waves her hand at me. “Hey, I know all about being independent. But, you know, it’s not a hardship allowing someone like Shaun to help.”

I only manage to squirm, unable to say something intelligible. As I look around, pathetically hoping he might suddenly appear, Sarah continues.

“He, ah, he hopped in the Cruiser and took off. I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry for. I’m the idiot. I really didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, but what the hell was all that anger about? I mean, he should be happy I’m sparing him from being around a flake, right?” I try to brush off my hurt with deflection and self-deprecating humor.

“Abby, stop,” Denise says. “You’re not a flake. You’re just a little frazzled about the situation. Once you’re assured Sylvia is fine, then you can see if you two still have a shot at something.”

“Pfft, I don’t think so.”

“Shaun is a very forgiving person, Abby,” Sarah says.

“It doesn’t matter,” I mumble. “Look, I need to go. Nice meeting you, Sarah. You take care.”

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