Page 39 of Park Avenue Princess

“Let’s sit.” He gestures toward the seating area in his office which consists of a leather couch and two matching chairs. I sit in one of the chairs as he slumps uncharacteristically down into the corner of the couch, head bowed.

“Please tell me this isn’t you.” My words sound more desperate than intended, but I say nothing else, waiting; just waiting.

“I can’t do that.” His voice is anything but his own; it’s utterly deflated.

“Why?” I plead as if I’m twelve again. “What have you done?”

His head snaps up, his eyes now alight with a mix of anger and, if possible, pride. “What I’ve done is kept this firm in business, allowing me to protect and provide for my family, as well as the families of my employees.”

“By stealing money? Or having some part in it? Isn’t that beneath you?”

Dad bristles. “Don’t talk to me like I’m some child.”

I lean forward. “Why not? You’re acting like one. You call me for help, yet you’re not forthcoming with any information. What am I supposed to do if you’re involved in the embezzlement of government money? Nothing, that’s what. I can’t and I won’t.” I continue to watch him as he remains so goddamned stoic, as if letting down his guard as he did only moments ago is the only weakness he’ll ever show me.

“Are you going to just sit there and say nothing?” When he does exactly that, I huff out a breath and shake my head while rising. “Fine, whatever. I don’t know why I even bothered to come here.” I reach for my coat and bag, intent on leaving since this meeting seems pointless.

“Yes, I’m involved in embezzlement and yes I’m being blackmailed.”

My father’s words stop me although I don’t turn around to face him. “By Michael Hamilton?”

His intake of breath immediately tells me I’m spot on. “How did you know?”

I turn around and meet his startled gaze. “I didn’t, until now. Years ago, the only time I ever remember him coming to our home, I overheard words exchanged between you two in your office. About you losing everything if you continued some practice. And him answering that you still could, and not to make him regret bringing you in on this.”

Dad’s eyes widen further. “What else did you hear?”

“Nothing. Mom came to get us for dinner.”

“Goddamn that man!”

“Indeed. He gave me the creeps and I was glad to never see him again.”

“I never invited him to our home again after that night. We…”

“Conducted business elsewhere?” I supply.

“Yes.”

“That was twenty years ago, dad. What have you been immersed in for so long? What’s he holding over your head?”

“Too much.” He shakes his head and sighs before repeating, “Too much.”

I return to the chair and face him. “Dad, I never told anyone, but years ago, after I left the firm, Michael Hamilton tried to convince me to join his company. He made sexual insinuations.” My father’s eyes harden but I continue before he can interrupt. “He was a creep and I told him I had no interest in working with him. He didn’t take it well but left me alone. Until last October and then again more recently when he started sending more emails. I didn’t even bother to read them because I want nothing to do with him.”

“Son of a bitch, I’ll kill him!”

I grab my father’s hands, trying to calm him. “Tell me. Everything. From the beginning.”

The look on my father’s face is one of utter despair and suddenly I’m not so sure I want to hear what he’s going to tell me. But I have no choice. If there’s any possibility I can help, I need to hear it all. No matter how ugly it may be.

Over an hour later, I walk the city streets blindly, numb with disbelief from all that I’ve learned. So many secrets, so much I never would have guessed had been happening in my parents’ world. Because what dad told me didn’t involve just him; a larger part of it was about Mom.

I can’t judge certain decisions, certain actions—because what’s done is done—but I can question their inability to change course, to get out from under the oppressive black cloud hanging over them.

I understand them sheltering me from the knowledge I now possess; even a small part of me now understands their lack of displaying affection while growing up. But,goddammit, it didn’t have to be that way! And his indifference to me working at his firm. He said he almost wished he’d never allowed that; that he should have steered me elsewhere from the start. Of course he was proud of me, he said, and regrets not showing his feelings. He didn’t want to take the chance of me getting involved in what he was doing, thereby bringing me down as well.

Because Dad said he knew at some point he’d pay the price for what he’d done.

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