Page 47 of Park Avenue Princess

Hollis and Addy nod while I take a deep breath.

“So I’ll just launch right into the story as my father told me. I knew my parents met and married young. Mom was eighteen, Dad, twenty. She became pregnant when they dated and figured the next step was marriage. Only Mom lost the baby and fell into a depression. Being so young, and with Dad in college, they almost split. Obviously that didn’t happen. They stayed together and Mom got therapy. Then when she became pregnant again, as elated as she was, she worried she’d lose me. She became fanatical about everything, about being cautious with what she did, what she ate, where she went. Dad said the pregnancy had been flawless and my birth had been nothing short of wonderful. But then Mom, well, depression came over her again; postpartum depression. Her mood swings were incredible. One day she wouldn’t put me down and the next she didn’t want to touch me. Dad said he wondered if she’d escalated into postpartum psychosis. He not only worried about her mental and physical health, but he worried for me as well.”

“Jesus,” Hollis mutters. “I can’t even imagine. I mean, Elodie was fantastic with Ben. Sure, tired a lot, but I had the luxury of being home too, and well, those were some of the happiest days of our lives.”

“It’s hard to say why it occurs in some and not others,” I comment. “It’s also hard to say if it’s a genetic trait, or, or not.” I look down at my hand still joined with Guy’s. “I haven’t had any time to research or understand.” I lift my head to find Guy watching me, so much tenderness in his gaze. He begins to stroke his fingers across my skin. “I never would have guessed any of that from Mom.” I pause, taking a breath. “Or what I’m about to tell you all next.”

“Lynnie,” Addy starts.

“No, Addy, this is important.” I look at her. “After more therapy and a part-time caregiver in the house, it seemed my mother was better. Dad said for years she seemed happy,normal, but she was hiding her inner turmoil. Like a pendulum, she swung from one extreme to the other; happy one day, not so much the next. Her depression became debilitating. When therapy hadn’t been enough, medication came into play. But even then she had her bad days.”

Guy reaches for a forgotten tumbler of brandy and hands it to me, encouraging me to take a sip. When I do, the smooth liquor warms my insides and I gather the strength to finish.

“When I was five, I remember my mom going away for a while and dad being gone sporadically for days at a time. I vaguely remember being told dad had business trips and mom had to go help out a family member. The interesting thing about that, I realized later, is we never interacted with other family. I never remember visits from or visits to grandparent’s houses. Both Mom and Dad are only children, so there were no aunts or uncles or cousins. Later I’d find out my mother wasn’t close at all with her parents. They became estranged, and to my knowledge, my parents have no idea where they’re living or if they’re still alive. My father’s parents died in a boating accident just as he started college. Anyhow, that’s a whole other story.”

I take a deep breath and continue.

“So, the caregiver stayed on full-time when Mom went away. And six months later when she returned, all seemed fine. She was withdrawn a bit, but as a child, those memories are fleeting. I think maybe I thought she was just sad about a sick family member. And as a child, you aren’t told the truth because you won’t understand. Turns out Mom had become pregnant again but chose to have an abortion.” I hear Addy’s sharp intake of breath along with a grumble from Hollis. Guy remains still, solid next to me as I continue. “Without Dad even knowing. And when the implication of what she’d done hit her, she tried to commit suicide.”

“Jesus, fuck.” Hollis curses while Addy tries to console. “Oh, Lynne.”

I shake my head to stop them from saying more, even as Guy pulls me into him and murmurs in my ear. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

My breath hiccups while trying to choke back the urge to rage and cry. I pull away from Guy’s comfort to sit up straight. “She nearly took her own life,” I croak out. “She must’ve felt so much despair. She must’ve felt as if she didn’t deserve to continue living if her baby could be wiped out so easily.”

“MyGod, she was so young,” Addy says. “So much for one person to go through. To have felt so lost, no one to turn to; to feel like she couldn’t even turn to her own husband.”

“The little Dad said earlier when I went to see him, Mom felt the baby would’ve been better off in heaven than with her. But when she realized what she’d done, she felt like the world would be a better place without the burden of her in it.”

Guy wraps an arm around me and pulls me back into his side. “I’m so sorry she went through that. That your family went through that. So damn sorry.”

I nod my head as I continue, avoiding anyone’s gaze. “The caregiver remained with us until I started school full-time. I was always ahead of my peers and became very independent at a young age. Mom wasn’t so much a mom to me, but felt more like an extension of my caregiver. As I said, there was a strict order to the house as far as rules to follow, expectations to be met. It’s just something I got used to. I think Mom needed that. The order and routine. But as I got older and developed a few friendships, I learned other homes were far different than mine. I began to realize what I was missing with my parents; that emotional, loving bond. As much as I tried to make up for that, always giving them my utter devotion, always doing my best to please them, it didn’t seem to make a difference. And, well, I guess I just got used to it. I continued to try but inevitably ended up disappointed. I suppose knowing what my parents dealt with, what my mom went through, it somewhat explains their demeanor when raising me.”

I look at Guy and try to paste a smile on my face, only I’m sure it must look like a grimace. I remain silent, not quite ready to spill the final pieces. But when Guy goes rigid next to me, I think he must have figured out where this story is going.

He holds me at arm’s length to look at me. “Lynne, please don’t tell me this is the information my father is holding over yours.”

I know my face begins to crumble when I see his eyes harden. “Somehow your father found out what my mom had done, the battles she went through, the attempted suicide, and he threatened to expose that dirty little secret, as he called it.”

Guy rockets off the couch. “Son of a bitch! How could he be so fucking cold, so callous?” He paces a few steps then turns around. “I won’t let that happen,” he says directly to me. “I will not let my father dredge up that past and harm your family anymore.”

“Guy, there’s more,” I say meekly, not really wanting to say more.

“More?” He says with an incredulous voice. “What more could that bastard do to hurt your family?”

I take a shaky breath and tell him. I tell him about how his father made me feel when he looked me over at age sixteen. I tell Guy about his father trying to get me to work for him. About the suggestions he made to have an affair with him. And about the recent emails he sent, trying to coerce me into falling in bed with him as well as convincing my father to fall in line, or else he’d release the details about my mother’s past.

When I finally come up for air and catch my breath, I hear expletives from both Addy and Hollis. As I face Guy, he looks just as I felt earlier, boiling with rage and ready to explode.

“I will kill him.” His voice is almost deadly silent, his fists clenched at his sides. He literally turns for the door as if he intends to follow through on that threat.

I jump up and run to him, holding onto his arms. “Guy, no. He’s not worth it. We’ll stop him but I need you, here, with me, now.” I enunciate every word. When he looks over my head, not paying attention because he’s so focused on his anger, I bracket his face and turn him to look at me. “Guy, please.”

He covers my hands with his and takes a deep breath, the tension barely releasing from his body. When his eyes begin to focus on me, they soften, as does the rest of him.

“I’m here for you,” he whispers.

“We need to gather everything we can on this scheme,” Addy says in her take-charge voice.

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