Page 40 of Embers in the Outfield

I was supposed to be over here three hours ago, but I ran two hours late because an impromptu meeting was put on my calendar thanks to Brett Henry once again. I swear that man is going to put me into cardiac arrest.

“Yeah, but there’s something different about you.” She eyes me like she’s trying to see if something will pop up to give her a clue as to why I’ve been a bit more cagey than usual.

“I work, and when I get home, I’m wiped. That’s all.” My gut twists from lying to my best friend. But I can’t handle letting what River and I are doing out into the open. That is the opposite of being causal. If we start telling people, we’ll be in so much trouble when we finally decide to break things off in the future. Plus, who knows how our friends will take the news that I’ve been fooling around with the one man who has caused me to lose my shit more often than not.

“I don’t know, Kennedy. You’re up to something. My preggo senses are tingling.” She narrows her eyes and looks at me for an extra second. But much like her cravings, she’s quickly distracted when the trailer to the movie starts to automatically play.

She presses start and brings the tray full of food closer to her. She brings her hands in front of her, and like an evil villain, she gives a slightly scary laugh and begins to dig in. I can’t say it’s nota little horrifying to watch her take a bite of each thing without flinching because I can’t imagine dipping a sour gummy worm into the mayo is any good. But here we are.

I pull my eyes away from the disgusting snacking tendencies of my bestie and focus on the love that is all-consuming between Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack. No matter how many times I’ve watched this one, I still feel my heart race a bit as the two try to time everything right between one another. And slowly, as the movie carries on, I find my thoughts drifting to a certain someone who seems to have softened me up after years of us getting the timing wrong.

* * *

“I think Sam is going to sniff this out of me,” I blurt out when River rolls over after giving me another mind-blowing orgasm.

“What?” He’s panting, exhausted after we just pushed each other to the brink several times without letting either of us climax. Finally, once we fell off that cliff, I can’t lie and say it wasn’t the most intense orgasm I’ve ever experienced.

“I swear the other night, Sam was pestering me, and even though she let it go, she knows I’m hiding something.” I can’t shake the way she looked at me, and I feel like she saw into my soul.

“I wouldn’t really read into it. Just act like yourself, and she’ll move on from it.” I love how nonchalant men can be, but a woman’s intuition is something that can’t be shaken off. I doubt Sam will let this go, and she’ll probably only keep pestering me until I break.

River gets out of bed and makes his way to grab his clothes. At first, I think he’s putting things on the chair to clean up a bit, but I realize he’s getting dressed.

“Um, what are you doing?” I can’t help the irritation lacing my tone.

“I’m headed home,” he says as if it’s obvious.

Since we started this, River has spent the night a few times. I thought tonight would be no different, and I could coax him into a shower before we go to bed. I know I wouldn’t mind continuing this little sex-fest we’ve started tonight. We were ravenous for one another after nearly a week apart. Work has been a beast lately, and he had shifts at the station. Our schedules aren’t always lining up, so the sexual tension only mounted as the days moved forward.

“I thought I’d go home, and you could get some sleep. You mentioned having an early morning meeting.” He’s pulling his shirt over his head, running his hands through his thick hair. The more he moves his hands through it, the less you can tell I was pulling at the strands not that long ago as he slipped his tongue through my folds. Just the thought of that makes me hot all over, even though I don’t have any clothes on right now.

“Oh, okay. Sounds good.” I try to sound casual, much like this arrangement between the two of us. “So, I’ll see you in a few days?” I’m grateful for the darkness surrounding me in my room right now because the shame I’m feeling is probably evident on my face. Something about him hurrying off makes this whole thing feel dirty.

Snap out of it, Kennedy. This is casual. This is the entire arrangement you made with him. No attachments, remember?

My subconscious is constantly having to rein me in when my thoughts start to move in the wrong direction. I’ve never had a hard time with casual hookups. But here I am, letting my emotions get the best of me.

“Hey, Skip, where did your thoughts go?” He crawls back onto the bed and brings his face into the crook of my neck andnibbles. The laugh that pours out of me is automatic, and I relax a bit at his gesture.

“Nowhere. Just have a lot on my mind with work.” I hope I’m more convincing than I feel.

“See? You need to sleep and not have me disturbing you all night with my manly ways,” he says as he kisses my cheek.

“You’re right. Lucky me,” I say, and River doesn’t pick up any difference in my tone.

Making one last sweep of the room to make sure he didn’t forget anything, he looks at me and smiles. As he’s walking out, I stay in bed and he yells out, “I’ll text you after my next shift.”

This is casual, Kennedy. Grind that into your thick skull. River isn’t thinking twice about what this is. This isn’t a relationship. This is a hookup and nothing more.

Yeah, my subconscious can say this as a mantra every second of the day, but I can already feel the push and pull between my mind and my heart. I better keep myself focused on our arrangement because he isn’t thinking twice about it on his end.

CHAPTER 17

River

I rubmy fingers across the name staring back at me, and I can’t help the lump that has formed in my throat.

I don’t come back to New York often, mostly because it harbors a lot of feelings for me and my family. But today is different, and I try to keep my thoughts focused on the man I came to pay tribute to. A man I had taken from me far too early in life. My brother comes up by my side, and it all feels too heavy.

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