Page 14 of Embers in the Dark

“I’m sorry, okay? But it’s true. You can’t say you don’t see it. Look at pictures and tell me you don’t see it. I’m surprisedyou want to borrow that black dress. It’s more revealing than anything you’ve worn with him lately. Then again, you’ll likely put some cardigan over it and make it prim and proper to ensure it shows little skin when you’re around Myles and his people. You used to have an edge about you, Baylee. But with him you’ve let it go. Like you’re embarrassed of who you are, or something. Or he’s made you feel wrong about who you are. Is that it?” Mandy asks.

It’s hard to confess because embarrassment coats my skin right now. But if I don’t tell them now, I’ll never have the courage to do so.

“Don’t be mad. We just thought you should know how we see it from the outside looking in. You’re, like, the coolest person we know. And we don’t want some guy to dim your light, Bay. You need to know we love you,” Bri says, grabbing my hand.

I smile and nod, unable to talk over the frog forming in my throat. This hurts so much, knowing I’ve been carrying this whole thing on my shoulders, and I can’t do it any longer. I look away and that’s when the first tear falls.

“Oh my gosh, no, Baylee, don’t cry.” Alexis makes her way over to comfort me by putting an arm around my shoulder.

I finally find my voice. “There are some things about Myles I need to tell you,” I start, but then I just let go.

Between sobs I tell them everything, from the beginning of the relationship to all the horrible things Myles has said to me in our time together. I word-vomit, confessing from that first night at the restaurant and how I felt stunned, to all the other times he's made me feel less than. And with each confession, I see my friends break with me.

By the end of my story, I could hear a pin drop in my apartment. All three of them are crying with me, my sadness their own with my words.

“Oh Baylee, why didn’t you tell us sooner? We didn’t know it was this bad,” Brianna asks.

“I wish I could say it was because I was being strong. But I think it was because I didn’t want you to think less of me. The longer I stayed, the more trapped I felt. At first, I thought it was a one-off. But then, little by little, I thought maybe a part of his words were true. Maybe what he was saying about me was the reason Tucker didn’t want to be with me,” I whisper.

“I never thought I would be this person,” I admit. “I’ve never seen myself living in a life where a man would treat me like this. I was always the person my friends saw kicking ass, no matter what part of life I was in. And here I am, letting a man walk all over me,” I confess.

With that, Mandy scoffs. “Myles is no man to belittle a woman like that, Bay.”

“So, let’s get you back to taking over the world. It starts now,” Alexis says, drawing circles on my back.

“How so?” I look up at her.

“Let’s start with that little black dress,” Mandy says, her smile growing across her face.

CHAPTER 5

Baylee

I rolldown the window of my car, feeling that warm August air hit my face, hoping it brings some relief to my nerves as I make my way to the restaurant the next night. But, nothing is making me feel better about this dinner.

After I confessed everything to my roommates, I had a wave a relief wash over me. I felt like the old pieces of me were coming out as the plan came together for tonight. But the moment I started this drive, my resolve started to waver and now I’m feeling nauseous with the thought I have to face Myles. I’ve broken up with guys I’ve dated before, but with him it’s different. He has this inexplicable hold on me. Instead of feeling like his words repel off me like droplets of oil on my skin, they seep into me and cling onto the depths of my soul. It’s like he’s got a hold on my psyche in a way I can’t dislodge.

I can feel my pulse racing, and not in the way I look forward to on a date, with anticipation and exhilaration, but in fear that something horrible is about to happen. It’s taking everything in me not to turn this car around and go back to the comfort of my apartment. Packing my stuff and simply moving to Boston to start at my new school sounds moreappealing than confronting Myles right about now. But Mandy made the point that cutting off ties is best. Saying goodbye to this life with him is necessary because he’ll always have this hold on me if I don’t end things with him now.

I know she’s right. It has to end tonight. I’ll have to walk tall, find that inner Baylee I know is still inside, and stand up to this person I’ve called my boyfriend. I can’t do this anymore.

Alexis made me realize this relationship is killing me from the inside. It’s taking parts of me and stripping me. It has pushed me to seek a life outside of Connecticut without even telling Myles, because I wanted an out. Had I been happy, I would’ve been straightforward with Myles when I applied to these different programs from the start. But I went behind his back and looked for an out. I knew deep down I was unhappy, and I was looking for any excuse to leave.

I turn into the restaurant parking, seeing the valet attendant and stopping in front of the gentleman to give my key and grab the stub from him. I can see his smile of approval at the little black dress the moment I step out of my car. It’s confirmation that I made the right choice.

I took charge with this black dress and matched it with killer heels, much like I would’ve before meeting Myles. From the front, this dress looks modest, but the moment I turn around, I know the attention I’ll get will set Myles off. It’s form-fitting, with a plunging backline, revealing the delicate firefly tattoo on my shoulder. The dress hits right above my knees and paired with heels it shows off my toned legs.

Tonight it’s about seizing control of myself again. Fuck Myles and the thoughts of what he’ll say. The days of letting him hold power over me are no longer going to restrain me. I’m taking control of my life and walking away from him and all the horrible things he’s said to me. His hurtful words stay with him after tonight, I will no longer carry them with me.

I walk through the entryway of the restaurant and I’m immediately assaulted by the chatter of diners inside. Myles is an accounting major at our university and has his sights set on becoming a financial broker once he graduates in the winter. He only has this next semester until he finishes his degree. He hopes to work at the office where he’s been interning after he graduates. Myles comes from an affluent family here in Connecticut. His mother is a lawyer in the state and opportunities have always been handed to him, versus worked for. I doubt he’ll have any trouble getting whatever he wants after graduation.

I make my way to the front where the host greets me with a smile.

“Hi, I’m here for the dinner for Grace and Jance Financial Group,” I tell her.

“Oh yes, they’re in the private room down back to the left,” she explains, pointing in the direction through the double doors.

I smile and begin to make my way over. There are a few glances my way by diners as I walk by and I simply smile, my head held high.

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