Page 63 of Embers in the Dark

My mother is much shorter than me. I inherited my height from my father, so I tower over her. But no matter how much taller I am, her comfort surrounds me in her embrace.

“Why don’t you take a seat and tell me what’s going on?” she tells me.

“First, why don’t I get you a snack and some tea,” I deflect.

“I already had my tea today.”

“Are you sure?” I look down at my watch. She usually has her tea later in the day.

“Yes, Baylee came over earlier and had tea with me.” She smiles softly. “Now, go sit.”

The minute I sit down, I look over at her and I spill. I tellher everything about last summer, from my feelings about Baylee, to the fake date with Abby, and finally how things have evolved with Baylee now. Once I catch her up, I sit back, feeling the weight on my shoulders dissipating, yet feeling like Baylee may have walked away from what we just started together.

My mom sits next to me and pulls my hand into her frail one. Why is she so weak suddenly?

“Ma, what’s going on with you that you’re so much weaker than the last time I saw you? You don’t look so good.”

“The doctor just says I’m adjusting to this new medication they started me on.” She pats my hand to reassure me, but it does little to comfort the unease that’s creeping in. “Now back to Baylee. You need to tell her how you feel. You need to explain how conflicted you were last year, and how you really didn’t want to lose a friend—how you didn’t want to lose what was comfortable to you. That’s understandable. She’ll see both sides, son.”

“But she’s right to be upset. I wasn’t honest when we started this up. I should’ve told her. I felt like that was between her and Rios. If I’d simply been honest with him and with her, she could’ve avoided all this with that asshole ex of hers.” I run my hand through my hair.

“Tucker, you know there’s no way you could’ve known that person would be so horrible to her. There’s no way you could’ve predicted that for her.” She moves her hand to my cheek.

I nod because I do know that in the logical part of my brain, but it doesn’t make me feel better. I hope Baylee is still there when I get home and will hear me out while I pour my heart on the ground and beg for her forgiveness.

CHAPTER 20

Baylee

I got backto the apartment seething earlier. I tried to hang out with my mom a bit longer after I stormed away from my brother and Tucker, but I couldn’t enjoy her company knowing he was next-door. I needed some distance, so I left and decided to walk around campus. The weather wasn’t too bad with the sun shining this afternoon. Once it started to set, I had to head back though.

I had a session with my therapist that I asked to do virtually, because I didn’t feel like sitting through it in her office. But she asked to see me anyway, so I begrudgingly went to her office and I sat there, arms crossed, until she pulled the information out of me. I know it was probably the best thing for me to be there, and I eventually caved and told her why I was so upset.

After letting out my frustrations, Dr. Nuys helps me make sense of the feelings going through my head.

“Tell me what’s plaguing you about what he did, then we’ll talk about what your brother did to you."

“I feel like Tucker made a decision for me and it led to me walking into Myles’s arms,” I say, anger laced in my tone.

“That’s understandable. So you feel if he hadn’t agreed tothat date with Abby, you would’ve gone out with him and avoided everything with Myles?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say confidently.

“I see,” she says, putting her notebook down. “So those are the only two options here?”

“I believe so,” I answer.

“Have you ever considered a third option?”

I shake my head, confused by her question.

“Listen, Baylee, I can appreciate you seeing life with this scenario of two possibilities here. I see that your mind jumped to this conclusion that had your brother not intervened, your outcome would’ve been more positive. And yes, maybe it would’ve been, but there’s a possibility it would’ve been completely different.

“I’d like for you to consider this ripple effect you’re talking about. Because as much as I appreciate this two-scenario life you’re talking about, I think we’re not giving much weight to the fact that life is not two-dimensional and it’s not simply about one thing or another; it’s multifaceted. So, let’s take another route. Let’s take a route we haven’t thought about and say he had stood up to your brother and not gone out with Abby, but hadn’t gone out with you either. And you hadn’t met Myles. What if you hadn’t gotten to cross paths in this way like you are now. Maybe your road wouldn’t begin together until ten, twenty or even thirty years from now. You went on to marry different people even.” She leans forward.

“What I’m trying to say is, there aren’t simply two possibilities here. It’s not just that he could’ve stood up to your brother, then you and Malloy would’ve walked off together into the sunset, avoiding this whole thing with Myles. I think it’s romantic to believe that would’ve happened. But honestly, Myles may have been part of your future no matter what. There’s no way to know that for sure. But I think what’s important is to understand Tucker wasn’t ill-intentioned here.He did this trying to protect his friendship with someone he loves—your brother. Unfortunately, he hurt you in the process.”

A tear escapes down my cheek and I quickly move to wipe it. Why am I always crying now?

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