Page 64 of Embers in the Dark

“I’m scared,” I confess.

“Why are you scared, Baylee?” she asks me, concern etched on her face.

“Because with Tucker, I see everything clearly. I see my future. I’ve never felt more grounded with anyone before; I feel like he will help me be me again. But what if at some point he realizes what a mistake he made choosing me?” I look down at my lap and bite my lip.

“Why would he see you as a mistake?” she asks.

“Because for months, that’s all I’ve heard from Myles and those ugly layers are sort of hard to shed,” I admit. “But when I was with Myles, shedding the layers that made me strong was so easy when he said those vile things to me. I’m doing my best to let go of the ugliness that he plastered to me. But man is it hard sometimes, Dr. Nuys. I feel his words crawling on me sometimes when I look in the mirror. And they’re so ugly. And when I heard my brother talking outside today, something about it felt like I was walking back in time, for some reason.”

“First off, you’re still who you were before Myles, Baylee. You’re still fundamentally you. He didn’t take that away from you. It’s just harder to feel that person inside because his words hold a harshness to them that are easier to latch on to,” she says. “This might be a hard question to hear me ask, but do you feel like your brother and Myles are similar?” I can see the concern on her face.

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” I admit. I’ve never seen similarities between Myles and Danny.

“Alright, that’s good. But it seems the way your brother spoke about you today brought up some unwanted feelings.That’s understandable. Then let’s talk a little bit about your brother now, that's something I think needs some attention. He isn’t someone we’ve talked much about in our sessions before; tell me more about your dynamic with him.”

“My brother never did well with sharing.” I laugh, but it lacks humor. “Danny was always more selfish between all of us siblings. I think because he was the only boy, he sort of got away with things. I know I’m the youngest, but him being the only boy, he got doted on. He’s spoiled, I hate to say. The older I’ve gotten, I’ve seen it more and more.” I roll my eyes, embarrassed to admit this about my brother, because for so long I really looked up to him.

“Danny can’t come to terms with the fact that I’m an adult.” I shrug.

“Many big brothers have a hard time with that fact,” Dr. Nuys says.

“Yes, I assume that can be hard for many. But Danny has to also realize that Tucker isn’t a bad person. And that we can make decisions on our own. I guess what I don’t understand is why he’d make his friend take someone else’s ex-wife on a date to keep me from them. It’s such a huge extreme, in my opinion. Tucker has never been inappropriate or rude to me or our family, so to push us apart in this way seems completely uncalled for.”

“Your feelings are justified, it’s a complete invasion of trust,” she says in response.

“That’s the thing. He’s my brother, and someone I’ve leaned on in so many ways in the past. It feels intrusive and rude.” It’s hard not to be upset at this behavior from a grown man.

“How do you want to deal with him regarding this?” she asks me.

“Right now? I need space,” I admit. “As you know, the pre-trial conference is coming up. I need to stay focused on that. Plus, I would rather smooth things out with Tucker. I’msupposed to be going to Ohio with him for his brother’s wedding. I’d like to have something fun on the horizon right now. I feel like my plate is full at the moment. My brother can wait and hopefully think about his actions.” Danny needs to simmer on what he’s done. He’s old enough to know better.

“That’s justified. Just remember that he deserves a conversation too, Baylee. You can’t just leave him waiting forever.” She gives me a look and I smile.

“I won’t leave him waiting too long, but he can sweat a bit.” I smirk.

“There she is.” She smiles as she grabs her glasses and phone. “Let’s schedule our next session now before you head out. I want to make sure we have a few sessions before the pre-trial. It’s important to meet up before you go back to Connecticut. I think you’ll need it more than you expect. I want you to be prepared to face Myles.”

Just the thought of seeing his face again brings a sinking feeling to my stomach.

“You’re going to do great. I know it feels overwhelming, but hopefully you can have resolution in that pre-trial conference,” she says.

“I just hope it doesn’t go to trial.” I sigh.

“I know. I hope the same for you.” She reaches out and grabs my hand.

I got back to the apartment and showered. Now I’m listening to music as I go over a few of my notes on my laptop. The distraction isn’t as helpful as I hoped, but it’s better than the tub of ice cream I considered.

I’m about to close my computer and toss it to the side when I see Tucker walk into view at my doorway, nearly causing my heart to leap out of my chest.

“Fuck, Tucker! You trying to scare me to death?!” I rip theheadphones from my head. “Why must you do that all the time?” For such a large man he’s a very quiet walker.

“Sorry, baby.” He keeps his distance, his hands in his pockets, apprehension apparent in his expression.

I keep staring at him, waiting to hear what he has to say.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

“Yes.” I push my computer to the side, along with my textbook and notes.

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