Page 125 of Outspoken

“Sometimes she’s hard to read, but she seemed on edge. She was smiling, but it felt like she wasn’t saying everything she needed to.”

I shrug. “What if the trip was supposed to be a surprise?” My eyebrows dance at him. “She wants to plan a surprise romantic trip to propose.”

Brody smirks, his square jaw flexing. “I could see her doing that. But, no. We’ve talked, and I told her that if she ever decides she wants marriage, I’d like to propose. Don’t want to just fall into it. I need to propose to her, and it needs to be special.”

I elbow his shredded stomach. He’s worked hard to trim fat these past months for an upcoming competition. It’s showing. “I’m happy my romantic tendencies have rubbed off on you over the years.”

He laughs. “Think they have. If she’s ever ready for a proposal, you know I’ll need your advice on it.”

“You’re talking about my area of expertise,” I say with a grin. “Anything romantic I’m down for. I have a whole journal of proposal ideas. At-home. On vacation. Super mushy. Chill. Funny. Maybe I should publish my ideas and help other men out.”

Brody pats my shoulder. “Hopefully someday I’ll need to borrow your journal.”

“I’d be happy if it was used.”

My gaze slips to a small soda spill on the checkerboard tile as my thoughts turn gloomy.So many proposal ideas I’ll never need.I even thought of a new one just for Amber: underneath a blanket of stars on an overlook above the city.

The line ahead of us is slow, and we both order the same roast beef subs every time, so Brody turns to me for more convo.

He catches the dip in my mood, giving me a worried look. “Anything going on with you?” he asks.

Second to my mom, Brody is my other confidante. Since I no longer have to hide my interest in Amber, I spilled the tea. He doesn’t know all the details, but he knows the basics of what happened, which helps. I need more allies helping me get through this. There’s been a few days I haven’t wanted to get out of bed, the emptiness in my heart too great.

“Nothing besides what I already told you,” I say. “Well, I got lectured by my mom this morning.”

He crosses his arms with an amused smirk. “About what?”

“Love. Relationships. Faith. She said she had a dream Amber and I were together and that it’s proof of a greater plan. I think she was suggesting I chill and wait to see what happens.”

Brody cocks an eyebrow but doesn’t respond.

I study his raised brow, surprised. “Are you on my mom’s side?”

“What else are you going to do? Start dating? Might piss me off if you turn to other women this quick.”

My heart responds with a slow, painful thump.Other women no longer exist for me.

I’m normally all about sharing my feelings, but I’m struggling now. It feels like we’re getting into vulnerable territory and maybe I can’t sit in that right now.

Trying to lighten our convo, I say, “I know you’ve been looking for an excuse to find out which one of us would win in a fight.”

With a dead-serious look, he states, “I would win. That’s not a question.”

I hang my head. “Way to burst my bubble, man.”

We laugh. My laugh is a little empty, too much of Amber soaked into everything, but it’s the best I can do.

“But, I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t want to think about anything right now. I just want to go through my days for a bit and maybe it’ll all magically work out like my mom thinks. I also need time to work on myself, which I don’t think I’ve ever done. I’ve only ever tried to force relationships. I’m tired of pushing.”

Especially since it only causes greater heartache.

If some saints out there do have a greater plan, they can come to me. No candles. No praying. I’m done seeking and trying. I’m ready to simply exist for a while.

Well, and do my best to connect with Angel. Mom has been a great influence on him—getting him to lay off the vaping and not go out drinking at night—but I want to be involved, too. I want us to at least hang out for dinner.

My younger cousins all love me, so how am I doing so poorly with Angel?

Brody relaxes his arms, turning his attention to the cashier since we’re next in line. “Everything worked out for me when I wasn’t expecting it. Sometimes you need to go with the flow.”

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