Page 126 of Outspoken

“Damn. If you’re saying I’ll find something like you and Paige share, then I will chill the fuck out and wait. But…” I hesitate until Brody glances at me.

“What?” he asks.

I know I need to fully let go and accept the situation, but there’s a small sliver of my heart holding on to one possibility. “You, um, think Amber will ever want kids?”

He squeezes my shoulder sympathetically. “Sorry. Doubt it.”

I knew that was the answer but I asked anyway. That’s the last time I’ll ask. It’s time for that sliver of hope to fade, which probably means letting Amber go forever since I can’t see how we’ll ever work.

I nod—no longer as hungry—and we move up to order.

After getting our sandwiches, we spend the rest of our short lunch talking about bodybuilding, since Brody is competing in the fall. I manage to eat half of my sandwich, tossing the rest. Then, it’s back to work. Back to going through my days without any thoughts of the future.

Any time I think of my future without Amber, I struggle to keep going.

Chapter Thirty

Miguel

THE REST OF THE AFTERNOON at work was chaos. A lot of grumpy clients brought their personal drama into the gym. I understand feeling stressed about life, but the gym is where you work that off and get your mind focused. Some clients today felt better after our sessions. Others still carried their burdens.

Either way, I’m happy to be done so I can get home to Mom and Angel. I’m thinking of making potstickers tonight because he seems to like Asian dishes best, always coming out for seconds. I even got a ‘tastes good’ last week for some fancy ramen I made. If all goes well with the potstickers, I might earn myself a full sentence. I’ll take any progress at this point.

As I pull around the corner onto my street, thinking about dinner, I notice all the cars. At first, I wonder if a neighbor is having a party. Then I realize I recognize some cars and they’re parked closer to my curb. Maribel’s SUV is in the driveway. Rico’s little white truck is near the mailbox. I’m guessing the rest belong to other family members.

Is there a party I don’t know about?Maybe Mom planned something and didn’t tell me.

My gut sinks as I get closer and consider the possibilities.Did Angel do something?I notice him sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, something he never does.

Unable to shake the bad energy flowing through me, I park next to Maribel’s SUV and quickly climb out of my car. Angel catches me approaching out of the corner of his eye but keeps rocking. His gray hoodie is pulled over his head, hands in his pockets. He looks troubled.

What could he have possibly done?

When I’m only a few feet away, I notice the puffiness in his cheeks—the red, slick eyes hiding in the shadows of his hoodie.

The sink hole in my stomach expands. Whatever he did must be serious, but I won’t bail on him like others have. It takes a lot to piss me off, and even though he seems to hate me, I won’t kick him out. Besides, I like having him around. He gives Mom company and helps her. That means something, so if he wants to keep living here, I’ll help him get through this rough patch and face the consequences of his actions.

I stop next to him on the porch, parting my lips to ask him what’s up, but he answers before I can speak.

“Your mom’s dead.”

I don’t move. I heard the words but they’re like a foreign language. My brain can’t piece the sounds together into something that makes sense.

Angel sniffs and continues to rock, staring at the grass. The chair groans with each rock.

Creak.

Creak.

Creak.

Mom’s what?

He stops rocking to meet my gaze, wiping his runny nose. “Sorry. I really liked your mom.”

He’s saying what about my mom?

I can’t get my brain to work. A thick fog has rolled in and I can’t understand what I heard. The entire world is covered in a dense gray, everything suddenly out of sight.

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