Page 149 of Outspoken

My voice cracks. “That’s so awful. No parent should say that.”

He glares at me. “Your fucking boyfriend kicked me out and everyone says he’s nice. He’s a fucking liar like all of them.”

“You’re hurting, Angel. I get that. It’s okay to be upset and have these feelings.” My heart is aching so much for him, it’s hard to take full breaths. I touch my chest, trying to swallow the hard lump in my throat.

His shoulders drop and he stares into the blackness on the other side of the room where light doesn’t touch. “No one gives a shit if I’m dead. They’d be happy.”

I scoot a little closer, a few tears falling. “If no one cares, then why did Miguel and I spend the entire day searching the city for you? We haven’t eaten because we feel so sick with worry.”

“Guilt. You have to pretend to care so others think you’re good. You barely know me.”

I look at this lonely kid sitting in the shadows, only a thin sliver of light touching his pimply cheek, and I fall apart. He always tries to look tough and indifferent, his face either neutral or scowling, but the deep weariness in his eyes gives him away. His gaze is too adult and heavy, too beaten down and tired.

He glances at me, unresponsive, as I cry. This is certainly a situation I never imagined myself in. I never thought I’d be on the other end of this, scared that someone I care about wants to hurt themself. This is such an awful, desolate pain at my very center. It’s desperation and agony and a crushing sadness—a feeling I caused Brody to feel over and over. And then Paige.

Maybe even Miguel. I certainly told him,“You don’t know me,”plenty of times. I realize now he didn’t have to know all of me to care. I don’t know a ton about Angel, but I like this kid and I want him to have a better life.

It breaks me knowing he believes he shouldn’t have that life.

“Angel,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady. “We haven’t known each other long, but you said we were both outsiders. Neither of us belongs, right?”

He shrugs, focusing on the ground.

“People learn about us first through stories—whispering to each other—without waiting to see who we are. We don’t get a chance to show them ourselves first before they form opinions and biases.”

He nods, sitting a little straighter.

Encouraged by his change in posture, I scoot another inch closer. “You’re really going to leave me alone in that?”

His tough demeanor finally cracks and I see a real expression on his face: worry. Sadness. Conflict.

Since he’s finally hearing me, I keep going.Keep going, Amber.“I can’t tell you everything suddenly gets better because it doesn’t. That dark feeling is always there. That’s just life. I’m sorry. Life is the bad moments along with all the wonderful ones, and you don’t get to choose only good things. But you can get through challenges by being real with others and sharing the pain so that better days happen more often.”

He sighs, but it’s not an annoyed or sarcastic sigh—it’s like he’s finally releasing some of the weight put on him by others.

I touch his shoulder, which feels like the right moment to offer that comfort. “People who care about you can help chase back the darkness if you let them. I know it’s unfair that you’ve had to deal with more shit than most that are your age. It sucks. Your parents are awful. And I know it’s been hard to rely on others up to this point.” I clear my throat, doing my best not to fully break down. “But I’ve been honest with you this entire time, so you can believe me when I say you’re going to fuckingruin meif you do something with that gun.”

His eyes become glassy, but he fights it. “I have nowhere to go.”

I wipe my face, trying to regain control of these tears. “Yes, you do. You can stay with me. If you don’t want to go back to Miguel’s, stay with me. I know I’m some random chick who appeared in your life and I’m broke as fuck, but give me a chance. Just one.”

He rubs a hand quickly over his eyes, still looking worried but trying to become passive again. He stares at the window and says flatly, “I wrecked Miguel’s car. What about that?”

“Like, wrecked it how?”

“Smashed it with a bat.”

I blink. Wow, that’s really bad, but not our current focus. “Uh, I don’t know. That’s going to have consequences, but…” I wave my hand. “Let’s not think about that now, okay? Where’s the car?”

“Downtown. It’s probably stripped by now.”

I blink again. I’m not sure what else to say because Miguel will have to deal with that. Becoming serious again, I nudge Angel’s shoulder with mine. “So what do you think about living with me?”

As he sits there staring into space and thinking it over, I realize if he moves in, we’ll have a lot to figure out. I’m not sure how Jackie will react, so I may need to look for my own apartment after getting a steady job. And we need to address Angel’s drinking and vaping. But those are all things to worry about later.

I have no idea what I’m thinking but…future Amber’s problem. For now, he just needs to know I’m here for him and he’ll have a stable home with me. I won’t abandon him. I see too much of my younger self reflected in his weary eyes.

Angel changes to a cross-legged position and lifts his chin, pulling his hoodie down. “Okay,” he says softly.

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