Page 154 of Outspoken

Finally breaking the spell, she pulls away with a sigh. “I need time to think.”

I kiss her cheek. “You have all the time you need, mi corazón.”

We walk to the car holding hands, then I let go. We climb in our separate sides.

As I start the car, Amber grumbles to herself, “Ugh, I need a shower.” She glances at me to clue me in. “There were bugs all over that place.”

I nod, catching Angel’s gaze in the rearview mirror. He half-smiles at me. The three of us have been through so many heavy emotions today that he might be thinking the same thing I am—we need something to give our hearts a break and lighten the mood.

Lifting my hand slowly toward Amber’s hair, I say, “Oh, wait. Hold still.”

She immediately starts pawing at her head and screeching, thrashing around in her seat.

“I’m kidding,” I say quickly through a laugh. “Wait. I’m kidding.”

She smacks my arm, panting. “What the hell, Miguel? Don’t do that.”

Angel is doubled over in the back seat, laughing his head off.

Amber huffs and crosses her arm, but she’s smiling. She rolls her eyes, and her smile widens.

That smile always gives me hope. And I would leave it at that, driving home with a happy heart, if not for the flash of sadness and worry in her eyes—doubt.

Amber

AFTER MIGUEL DROPS ME AT Jackie’s, I don’t go inside. I stroll around the mobile home park staring at the orange sunset, just thinking. Thinking about everything.

Today left me so emotionally exhausted that I’m ready to sleep the entire day tomorrow. I don’t have work, so I coulddefinitelydo that. Beyond the exhaustion, though, I feel like a blank slate. Not in a bad way. It’s a feeling of possibility. Since I’m blank, there’s room for anything—even things I never planned or imagined could happen to me.

Before today, I had already decided to find a steadier job and possibly go back to school. Otherwise, I didn’t have any set vision for the future. Feeling content to simply exist without any hard goals is perfectly fine but also a bit aimless.

Now, I’m struck with the realization that I can do anything with my life, which makes me roll my eyes at myself. It sounds a lot like ‘this is the first day of the rest of your life’, which is so dumb and cheesy I want to gag. Regardless, I may be hitting the end of my twenties and preparing to see my first wrinkle, but there’s so much opportunity, so many years to find those things that bring meaning—to fill my life with better days.

If I choose to, I could spend those future years with Miguel and Angel.

Do we all fit together?

Miguel seems so confident that we do, but I still have a knot in my stomach from worrying that he’s making too great of a sacrifice. What if I choose a relationship with him and he wakes up one day filled with regret about not having his own kids? I can’t be the reason his heart breaks when he realizes he missed out.

Or, I should simply believe him when he says me and Angel are enough.

Me, Angel, and Miguel—our own little family.

It’s so strange. I never pictured myself as a unit like that, and I’m not sure I can now. But I can see myself as a mentor and friend to Angel. The chick who is dating his pops and is fun to hang out with.

My heart warms thinking of Miguel adopting Angel, and I really hope it’s something that happens. Angel will get all of the love and stability missing from his childhood, and Miguel deserves to become the dad he’s always wanted to be.

I’m still stuck on the question: Do I fit in that scenario?

I walk around and around the mobile home park until the sun fully sets and the crickets come out. Then I walk to Brody’s. I know it’s a risk, but I use my key and stroll through the front door without knocking.

Nothing that’ll scar me for life is happening, though Brody and Paige are at the table eating dinner while a porn movie plays in the background.

I roll my eyes because they watchwaytoo much porn together. Maybe this is their foreplay. I don’t know, and Ineverwant to know.

They stop eating to stare at me, like I caught them in the act.

“You two are made for each other,” I grumble, closing the door and then turning the TV off.

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