Page 163 of Outspoken

It’s a sonogram with a little pale circle in a cloud of fuzzy gray.

Crying happy tears, I say, “This is it? You’re only pregnant?” I clutch my chest. “God, I thought this was going to be devastating news or something. But congrats! This is so amazing.”

Wow, I actually am going to be the cool aunt.

Paige’s face scrunches and she cries. She rubs her hands together, trying to get them to stop shaking before she continues.

Everything clicks. No wonder my brother looks so haggard—she hasn’t told him. I bet he has as many scary scenarios going through his head as I did.

“Why would you think he’d leave you?” I ask. “My brother is a lot of things, but he’s not a deadbeat dad. And I can tell you with complete certainty that he won’t leave when things get tough. He’s going to be so happy.”

Sobs overwhelm her again, so she listens to another song, typing a long explanation for me on her phone. When the song is done and she’s a little more relaxed, she hits play so her words flow out.

Her words cut out abruptly and we’re plunged into silence.

I smile softly and hold out my hand until Paige takes it. “I understand you have a lot of fears and worries. It’s okay to feel scared, but you’re spiraling.”

Balancing her phone on her bouncing thigh, she taps with one hand.

“Yeah. This is spiraling. You get lost in a whirlwind of worries and thoughts, going deeper and deeper until everything feels impossible to overcome. And you think of only worst-case scenarios.”

I squeeze her hand. “I know. It sucks.” I run my thumb over her chewed fingernails. “Listen. I know everything is extremely overwhelming and it’s all new, unknown, and terrifying, but shutting me and Brody out—especially Brody—is making it worse. When you’re spiraling, talking to others really does help. And just to confirm, I don’t hate you. I’m sad I didn’t know earlier, but I don’t hate you. You’re my bestie. At least, that’s what I thought so until you stopped sharing things with me.”

Her gaze falls to the carpet.

I squeeze her hand again, more tears wetting my cheeks. “What? No. That wouldneverhappen. And I don’t hate babies. I prefer not to have my own, but I’dlovea little Paige baby around. I’ll learn how to change gross-ass diapers and babysit so you can take a break and work on self-care.” I sniff. I’m struggling not to hug her because I need to, but I know she can’t take hugs right now. Instead, I hug my waist. “I wouldneverabandon you. Jesus, Paige, you saved my life. I’m, like, permanently tied to you and you’ll never get rid of me, even if you pop out fifteen kids. I’ll just sit with you while the maniacs run around and we can both go nuts together.”

She finally smiles, wiping her face.

“Seriously,” I continue. “I’m going to be here forever to help you with anything. I know for sure I’ll out live Brody, probably Miguel, too, so you and I will be very old ladies together, rocking away at an old folk’s home in our shared room. But for now, I’ll prepare a foot soak when your feet get too swollen. And I’ll join in complaining about Brody when he’s done something that irritates you. And I’ll come over to babysit little Amber so you can have a date night.”

She laughs.

“Yeah. I figure if it’s a girl, you’ll name her after me.” I can tell she thinks I’m serious, so I add, “I’m kidding. Do not name your kid Amber. It’d be too confusing.”

She nods, relaxing into her chair with a heavy sigh.

I wave my hand. “They’ll be okay without me for a while. No plans have been made. I know Miguel wants me living with him yesterday, but I need time. I’m not moving right now, especially not during your pregnancy. I’ll be here every day if that’s what you need. How far along are you?”

My eyes widen. “Three?Well, we have a lot to catch up on, like shopping for baby stuff and planning your baby shower. We need to figure out what weird combinations of foods you like best so you can eat.”

Her eyes fill with tears again.

“He’ll be the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Trust me. But you have to tell him first. I’m not an expert on relationships, but I know you have to work through problems together, even when it’s scary. He would never hate you, but I can tell you’re breaking his heart with the secrecy.”

“No. He’s just sad and confused. Let’s go out there and tell him, okay? I’ll be right here with you.” It takes me waving my upturned palm for a long time before she finally takes it.

I grab Bamsy in case he’s needed, and then let Paige lead us down the hallway, the manila envelope pressed against her stomach.

Brody and Miguel are sitting at the kitchen table. Brody looks beaten down and filled with despair while Miguel is staring at him with a concerned expression.

Brody stands quickly when he sees Paige, reaching to touch her face and then stopping himself. He shoves his hands in his jeans pockets, swallowing. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

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