Page 22 of Outspoken

I'm currently living with Jackie, a few mobile homes down from Paige and Brody, so this isn't a permanent home. Whenever I finally get my own place, I imagine I'll actually care about decorating.

I sigh at the ceiling. “Gravity never helps. It just makes you wrinkly.” I suck in my stomach until it's as flat as I can get it, then I make another attempt at buttoning my favorite pair of jeans. Nope. Hopeless. “Guess we're selling these online too.”

A pile of cute clothes I'm selling tumbles from the edge of my bed onto the carpet. Paige and I glance at each other. Then a pile of plastic bags containing my used panties—the ones I sell to horny men—topples over.

Paige backs away toward the door, clutching her phone. She stuffs the end of her long brown braid into her mouth and starts chewing.

“Haunted by what? Ghosts of boyfriends past who want to sniff my panties? No, I just have too much shit.”

Since Paige is an online reseller, she offered to sell some of my stuff for quick cash—everything except the used panties since I do that on my own. Though I haven’t been a cam girl for over a year, I maintain a database of guys who loved my channel. Now, they love my used panties. It’s not a livable income, but it helps with rent and car insurance.

I need all the income streams I can get. Books were expensive this semester, and I lost my receptionist job a few months ago. I’m broke. I’ve been taking random jobs through a temp agency, but the pay is depressing.

I'm hoping Paige can work her magic and turn my old clothes into money. I just didn’t realize I’d be listing half my closet since hardly anything fits. I've packed on too many pounds.

That’s also depressing. I love my wardrobe.

I sit up, my new rolls spilling out of my open jeans. “This sucks. Am I eating too many sweets?”

Paige’s petite nose crinkles.

I close my eyes.A Jell-O shot would be so perfect right now.It’s the weekend, and I remember spending entire weekend mornings buzzed. If I was drinking before noon, I preferred flavored liqueurs and anything sweet. I can almost taste a fruity, tart drink on my tongue and feel the warm, relaxing sensations throughout my limbs. The strawberry Jell-O I had today wasn’t nearly as exciting without the booze.

“Blame Jackie,” I say. “She’s almost fifty but has the metabolism of a teenager. I don’t think I’d be this heavy if I was still living with you and Brody.”

Paige grins, her face all rosy cheeks and sparkling brown eyes.

I know she’s completely serious and ready to help pack my bags. My stomach sinks. Part of me misses living with them, but it's just not possible anymore.

“I’d love us to be roomies again, but Brody would kill me and…” I glance at Paige's bare feet, trying not to picture the last time I walked in on them going at it in the living room.

Porn had been playing in the background because they consume it like binge-watching Netflix. They were on the couch and Paige's naked leg was hanging over the back cushions. Thank god I didn’t see anything that would scar me for life, but Idefinitelysaw Brody’s bare shoulders and heard him say, “Fuck, you feel amazing,” followed by a grunt.

Vomit creeps up my throat just thinking about it.

Paige tips her head to the side.

I swallow, looking away. “Uh, nothing. You two are a full-blown couple now and should do your own thing. Besides, you’re three spots down so I’m super close anyway. And Jackie is great. I only need to work on her bad grocery shopping habits.”

Paige helps me fold the clothes we’re selling, and I smile at her, warmth flooding my chest. I'm so happy to have my bestie back. After a year-long battle, her guardianship was finally overturned, and about three months ago, she was set free from the suffocating group home.

She’s now a free woman, though the dynamic between us has changed. We’re no longer single together, and I have to share her with Brody. Ick. But she keeps doofus busy so he’s less of a helicopter mom with me. This is the longest I’ve been sober, so Brody is starting to relax his watchful eye.

I’m relieved but also tense. Maybe he shouldn’t.

I slip off my jeans, adding them to the heap. I really love those jeans and the swirling rhinestones up one leg. They’re also lucky and have helped me attract so many hot hookups. Yet, out with the old—it's time to be brutal and let go of things that no longer fit in my life.

But maybe…

I grab the jeans, running my hands over the rhinestones. “I’ll keep these for motivation to lose twenty pounds,” I say. “I'm not comfortable with this extra padding, though I know I’m still very hot and fuckable.” I strike a pose in my granny panties.

Paige laughs.

“That’s true. But they’ll like what I dish out, no matter my size. I just miss wearing my cuter clothes. I want them to fit again.” I stuff my favorite jeans in a drawer, then move to the closet to try on something else. “Ugh, dieting and exercising is going to suck.”

“Hah, I don’t know. On one hand, it’s free. On the other hand, he’ll get all excited about trying to help me”—I lower my voice to be more baritone so I can mock Brody—“build my physique, bro.”

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