Page 23 of Outspoken

Paige laughs.

My fingers walk over a few hangers as I continue, “Then he'll bombard me with diet plans filled with nothing but steak and chicken. And he'll get demanding—calling me at five in the morning to work on my quads or something. I made the mistake of asking him for workout help a long time ago and it was a nightmare. Never again.”

Paige shrugs. She lifts her T-shirt sleeve to flash her bicep, which has more definition than a month ago.

I pull my black leather jacket from the closet to consider it. Since it’s a men’s cut, it fits just fine. Plus, I love it.

I bring it to my nose to smell the earthy, worn leather—smells of faint vanilla, too. After just one sniff, I’m a little less stressed, and a little more soothed.Yeah, not getting rid of this.

I hang it back up and grab a blue wrap dress instead. “Of course Brody is nice to you because, well, you know.” I raise an eyebrow at her.

Paige glances down at her body and then adjusts her boobs.

We both laugh.

Jackie knocks on my bedroom door and then peeks her head inside. She gives me a quick once-over since I’m in my underwear, poised to slip on the dress. She flicks a section of stiff red bangs off her forehead. When 80s fashion started trending earlier this year, she jumped right in with no regrets. Her hair is an angled, choppy bob with bangs, and her Irish ancestry gives it a pretty red tint. She’s almost a doppelganger of Cyndi Lauper, though her nose is a lot bigger and more pronounced.

“Little Zoey is here,” she says with a smile.

Paige bounces on her heels, clasping her hands together after tapping her phone.

“Of course,” Jackie says. “That’s why I came to tell you.”

Paige and Jackie rush off while I tug on the wrap dress. I’d rather stay in my bedroom and avoid the baby. Jackie’s daughter sometimes drops off her one-year-old so Jackie can babysit, so I’ve met Zoey. But Paige hasn’t, and I think her ovaries were about to burst from the anticipation.

Before I can check myself in the mirror to decide whether I want to keep this blue dress, Paige returns and grabs my arm, yanking me toward the hallway.

I frown. “I know.”

Paige won't stop trying to pull me down the hallway, so I give in and we walk to the front room.

Jackie's mobile home is similar to Brody's, with a combined living room and kitchen, but she has a kitchen island that separates the space. She also has a rustic theme going on, with vinyl wood-like floors, a white front door with a cute window and curtain, and plenty of shelves filled with plants. Her place looks like a botanical garden.

I have to help water the damn plants since she's helping me out with reduced rent. I've killed a few since my thumb is the opposite of green, and Jackie actually cried at the loss of her plant friends.

I felt really crappy, so I bought her some new plant babies to fill the void.

Paige hurries to the baby carrier on the plush white couch. She clutches her chest.

I grimace and say, “Uh, cute?”

Paige sits on the couch as Jackie lifts Zoey out of the carrier.

“Okay, move your arms together,” Jackie instructs. “Just like that, honey. Now support her head with your hand. Uh-huh. Perfect.”

I stand on the sidelines, watching Paige cradle the baby and look like she's about to weep. My heart melts. Paige just looks so happy and content. After everything she went through and all the horrible legal battles, she's finally free and coming into her own. She was already someone special when we first met, but now she's blossoming and has the space and support to become who she has always wanted to be.

Brody has changed a lot, too. He's softer, even to me. I guess they're both growing and finding fulfillment.

I love them and I'm so happy they're happy, but it has also been hard seeing them together. Of course, they're my family and Paige will always be my best friend even if I have to share her with my irritating brother. But I'm getting left behind, aren't I?

Their lives are evolving while I'm struggling to get my shit together, which is all I've done for the past decade. I felt so pathetic one day that I lied and told them I was on dating apps with plenty of prospects. Then, I pretended to go on dates a few times. All I did was get ice cream and walk along the beach by myself. I came home feeling guilty for taking my lie so far.

Icouldget on a dating app, but it’s always so much drama. Guys are drama. Relationships are drama. I can sort of picture myself with someone, but I also can’t. The relationship Paige and Brody have is something I’ve never experienced. I can’t imagine myself like that with any guy, so why even date?

I hug my waist as Paige rocks Zoey and coos at her. We're in the same room, but I feel a million miles away. I don't know where I fit or what I should be striving for. All I can do is go through the motions, running on my never-ending hamster wheel, floating in emptiness, building glass walls in a sad attempt to stop the inevitable darkness.

Paige hums at me since her hands are busy and she can't use her phone. She looks at the cushion beside her, wanting me to sit. I plop down and stare at the tiny creature in her arms. Paige makes a face at Zoey until the baby giggles, making Paige giggle too.

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