Page 103 of Ugly Beautiful Scars

"Green," I whisper even though I'm not. I just want this so badly and I'm tired of being patient. I desperately need to feel normal again.

His tongue flicks out first, adding heat to my skin. When I moan, he draws my nipple and breast into his mouth, as much as he can get in, then his tongue swirls around the bumpy surface. His mouth is so hot. My body is so hot. The way he's sucking with a deep hunger sends a delicious shiver down my spine. I let out a moan that sounds like it's coming from some new part of me, and I start to rub myself on his thighs.

"Sean…"

He doesn't answer, only moves to my other breast and stares up at me with eyes that hold so much raw desire—unblinking, dark, watchful. But with those gentle crinkles along the edges that tellme he'd never hurt me. He's thoughtful and caring and god I want to experience all that emotion with him thrusting inside me.

His cock is hard between my legs, twitching every time I shift my hips. I move up on his lap, trapping him between my inner thighs and squeezing in rhythm with the pulsing need inside me.

He releases my breast, licking his lips and leaning back to watch me work his length with nothing but my soft skin and the insistence of my hips. He lets out a low, dangerous rumble, and I can see it's taking all his restraint not to grab me and fuck me.

The ache is too much for both of us. His eyes are burning into mine, asking permission without saying a word. My own eyes go half-lidded as I reach down. His thickness twitches in my hand as I position myself above him.

Don't,my mind says.

You're pushing yourself.

But I just need this. I'm so tired of stopping, of carrying this burden I never asked for.

As I position him at my opening, he breaks my concentration by saying, "Give me a color, beautiful. I don't want this to be too much."

I close my eyes and don't answer. I can't lie. And I can't tell him the truth.

He's leaking a lot of pre-cum and I'm not on birth control, but I'm hardly thinking about that as I slide down slowly, taking in each inch. He stretches me open, and the fullness sparks blistering waves of pleasure. It's been so long since I've felt this, but since the last time was when a man touched me without kindness or consent, the haunted panic starts to build.

It's clear hownotready for this I am.

Sean feels so good that I don't stop until he's buried completely, until he groans out my name like it's been waiting on his lips forever. Still, it's too much. There's not enough air beneath my lust. Warnings flash yellow in my mind as the fear grows and grows, blocking out everything else.

All my features pinch together and I can feel the tears gathering. I look down at him and whimper slightly. "Sean…"

His gaze softens fully back into my protector and he nods. "Let's stop."

I lift my hips before the fear turns red and I start screaming. He remains still, panting beneath me as I pull away, inch by inch, until he's out of me completely. The emptiness leaves mixed relief and longing in its wake.

We stay like that for a moment, neither of us moving or speaking.

Finally, he says my name softly. "Londyn…"

I know what he's asking:Are you okay?

I don't respond, only drop my chin until it's resting on my collarbone. I'm not okay and I'm so tired of not being okay. The tears sting my eyes but I try to push past all of it and reach down to grasp his cock. I feel the velvety skin and, even though my body has already derailed from any sexy feelings, I want to give him pleasure. I've felt so selfish this weekend, and I just want to see him get pleasure and feel good.

His voice is a hard wall. "Stop."

I inhale and release him, glancing at him through my lashes. "But—"

"Just stop."

The tears immediately sting my nose and fall from my eyes as I turn away. An aching despair weighs on my chest. "I'm sorry I ruined this. I'm sorry I couldn't—"

"You didn't ruin anything. Hey. Look at me."

I shake my head.

"Beautiful, come on."

Finally, I give him a side glance.

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