Page 120 of Ugly Beautiful Scars

If this is too much and you don't want me, I understand.

His expression twists, with nostrils flaring and every fine line on his face cracking his normally flawless skin. He sways back, and for one terrible heartbeat, I think this is it, the moment he decides I have an airport's worth of baggage and I'm simply too broken to desire.

Then he blinks and his face crumbles inward; I see the liquid pooling along his bottom lids.

He sinks to his knees, like dropping into worship, and reaches out slowly. He traces another scar with a fingertip before pressing his lips against my stomach. He kisses my torn flesh. Then he kisses another scar. Then a third.

Tears drop from my cheeks onto his hair as I watch him kiss each of the seventeen scars on my stomach like he can heal each one.

When he finishes, he gazes up at me, an ocean of waves floating on his lower lids and threatening to crash down his cheeks. His eyes are glassy but intense; his jaw clenched into granite. He says those Korean words again.

"What?" I choke out.

He gets to his feet and moves in quick, something that would normally startle me, but not this moment. Between this breath and the next, there's no fear. After yesterday, my trust in him is absolute.

He kisses me, cupping my face and not letting me move away.

I choke on a sob against his mouth. What is wrong with this man? Why does he keep doing this? He makes me feel like I'm perfectly fine, no changes needed, and he sees who I am behind every bad thing that's happened.

Just me.

I'm crying too much, so he pulls back to rest his forehead against mine. "You're so fucking beautiful."

"Stop," I croak out.

"So strong. Nothing can destroy you. I don't even know if I deserve a woman like you."

"You… You just see me as a victim."

"No. I see you as a survivor."

"Stop… it…"

"I love you so fucking much."

I'm a wreck but those words silence me completely. Sobs pulse in my throat to get out but I'm completely still. My heart is still and listening. "What?"

He says the Korean words again, which I'm finally starting to register. "Saranghae."

I shake my head. I wish I could blame the medicine for making me so confused but I know it's Sean. He doesn't really mean this. How can he? I'm tarnished.

I fist his shirt as the words spill out. "There are so many of them. You can't possibly see me as beautiful. Are you crazy? There's so much I have to deal with. So many triggers. I'm just too—"

"Your scars are beautiful. They mean you're a survivor. A fighter. And I could only love a strong woman." He kisses me and the tears on my lips, then rests his forehead on mine again. "How did I ever find you? How did I ever find such an amazing woman?"

I give a small smile. "Well, I was the one who found you."

"I love you." He pulls me against him and I cry into his shoulder, still shaking my head. "I almost lost you," he continues. "Fuck, if I had, I don't know…"

I pull back to study the sincerity in his eyes. His thumbs run along my cheeks, catching moisture, and we just gaze past all the scarred remains that our traumas have left us. Those pockmarked walls and broken bridges and shattered pieces of what we tried to build. No one ever truly recovers from the wars they face; war is too powerful. But scars stitch us back together, giving us the ability to face the next battle.

I touch the healed wound on his chest from when he was shot, then I press his bandaged hand to my chest.

"I shouldn't even think about it," he says. "I didn't lose you. I won't lose you."

I want to say,Why would you want to keep me?But there's no point when faced with the power of his honesty.

I don't understand him, but I know he's not lying.

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