Page 121 of Ugly Beautiful Scars

He presses his cheeks against mine. "I won't lose you. I want you to be mine. I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too."

Our lips press together, and it's relief and love and everything else I thought I'd never have. His fingers push gently into my hair, loosening the towel, and I shiver against the wet strands falling over my bare shoulders.

When I tug at the hem of his top, he breaks our kiss. "I'm not asking for anything right now. God, you've been through too much. I just needed to kiss you. That's all."

"I need you," I say, and when those words come out, the epiphany I was struggling to understand earlier is finally clear.

Bad things are going to happen no matter what I do.

Once, I was an actress, just going about my life, oblivious to how much pain exists in the world. Then that pain touched me and I collapsed inside myself. I fled to a new city. I went into hiding and lived in the background, out of frame. I built so many walls, always searching for threats, and I decided that not having a life was better than risking pain again.

Something bad still happened.

So if I can't control my world, if I can't predict life and keep myself safe, why not just enjoy whatever days I have left?

I want to step out that fucking window.

I pull on Sean's top, needing to feel the heat of his skin against mine. "I want you. I want all of it. I'm tired of being afraid."

He lifts his arms and lets me undress him, lets me peel away every layer he's wearing until he's as bare as I am.

As I kiss along his neck, he lifts me and carries me to the bed. We both fall onto the soft cocoon of silk. He stays pressed close, as if he can't bear to be apart from me for even a second.

"Tell me to stop and I will," he says against my shoulder.

"I know. Please don't."

There's no stopping this time; I'm ready to push past everything that's kept me chained. I'm going to move forward into this new future with Sean.

"You're staying?" I ask.

He raises himself, large biceps flexing and caging me in, but not in a way that makes me feel trapped. I only feel held and protected. "Staying?"

I close my eyes because what I'm about to say feels so terrifying. "With me. I-I know you have your own life and a home somewhere and we only just said we love each other and this is so new and it's unfair of me to—"

"I'm staying. No question." His mouth is on mine before I can respond.

That statement finally smashes through the last remaining brick of my walls and I pull him down on top of me, opening my mouth so our kiss can deepen.

Our limbs tangle and his lips find my neck, my collarbone. I gasp as he worships each part of my body with his mouth and that hot, unhurried tongue. He's so careful at first, but I don't want careful.

I wrap my legs around his waist and pull his hips closer. He groans, low and deep. My skin is feverish everywhere he touches. I just need him inside me. I need that feeling of completeness only he can give me. We're both shaking, both on the edge like this is the last moment we'll ever have together, and maybe that's why it feels so intense. Yesterday was a reminder that life is so precious and can end in an instant.

What if tomorrow doesn't exist? That's why I need all of him. Now.

His cock teases my opening as he kisses me, savors me. My name is a ragged pulse between kisses that leave us both dizzy and breathless.

I grip his back and raise my hips, the careful slowness of this too much to bear. "I need you," I whisper, and he finally starts to guide himself in.

He pushes deeper, deeper, filling me with that first wonderful stretch that makes me cry out.

I dig my fingers into his solid shoulders. "Keep going."

He starts slow, pumping his hips in a rhythm that builds and makes me forget all the pain of yesterday, all the pain of the past, all the pain of a future where he's not in my life. His thrusts are a strong pulse but not hurried; he's careful to keep it gentle.

It's like we're trying to blend every part of ourselves into the other, and maybe we are. Every thrust is a confession that he's not going anywhere, that he really does love me, and that I can truly love him back without fear.

---