Page 20 of Ugly Beautiful Scars

I laugh out loud to myself because I didn't say anything about his looks when Raven and I talked on the phone a few days ago.

Londyn83:I definitely did not say that.

RavenMad:But you thought it. I could hear it in your voice.

Londyn83:You're hearing things then.

RavenMad:Yeah nah.

I smile even though I'm a little annoyed. Sean is… well, he's nice looking but that has nothing to do with anything. When I was chatting with Raven, I wasn't thinking about Sean's looks asmuch as touching his hand. That soothing, warm feeling when our fingers touched wasn't what I expected at all.

I'd expected to feel uncomfortable, nervous, even a bit triggered from touching a man after so many years.

But… he put me at ease and I can't explain why, especially since I was having flashbacks to The Director while looking at him.

RavenMad:He's cute, eh?

Londyn83:He's a bodyguard and that's it. You're ridiculous.

RavenMad:Yes, always.

I laugh even as my stomach lurches like a tidal wave is about to hit. Sean is cute, but so was The Director. His appearance was what allowed him to get away with so much for so long. People looked at him and saw charm, not danger. They saw his perfect smile, not the predator's teeth.

Handsome men can be trouble.

But I'm projecting. Sean deserves a chance since he's done so much good in the world.

The three dots bounce as Raven types something, but they're interrupted by the loud chime of my doorbell.

The sound ricochets through my body like a bullet, and I gasp. My feet turn to concrete as I stand in the kitchen unable to move.

They'rehere.

Chapter 8

LONDYN

SEAN AND THE SECOND BODYGUARD are here.

I glance around my apartment, suddenly feeling like everything in here exposes me too much. The neutral walls that I never bothered to personalize show how invisible I'd rather be. My overstuffed bookshelf shows my longing to be someone I'm not: a reader. I keep buying books, wanting to dive into them, but all those unread spines are promises to myself that I keep breaking.Yes, I'll read you. Yes, I'll grow and evolve and move on and become someone greater.

Lies.

Lies my guests might judge me for.

The doorbell rings again and I pocket my phone, ignoring the vibration of Raven's incoming message. With trembling fingers, I adjust my glasses—the large, ugly ones that hide half my face—and tug at my oversized blue t-shirt, making sure my body is covered, shapeless, and unremarkable. A blank canvas no one would look at twice.

Sean was very respectful at the conference, his eyes never once dropping below my face. And he maintained a careful distance until I felt comfortable. But I haven't met the other man yet. He's a complete stranger who will be watching me, observing me, seeing all my little tics and routines.

My throat closes at the thought.

God, I can't breathe.

The doorbell sounds a third time. Then there's a knock. If I hesitate any longer, Sean will probably call, wondering what's happened.

Like Raven said, deep breaths. One foot in front of the other. It's like rehearsing blocking for a scene. Just hit my mark and remember my lines and I'll get through this.

I move through my apartment to the front door. My hand reaches for the doorknob, and I draw in one final, slow inhale before greeting my guests.

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