Page 82 of Ugly Beautiful Scars

"There's something I think you should know." The words feel like gravel on my tongue. "About why I'm so rigid."

She waits with her palms open on her lap like empty vessels ready for anything.

But I'm sure she doesn't want this baggage.

Staring into the limitless depths of her brown eyes, my throat tightens and tries to stop me from continuing. I've never told anyone about Wunmi. Maybe it's time, even though it'll illustrate how I'm a giant fuck-up. I'm sure it'll tarnish Londyn's trust.

I clear my throat. "Around the time I worked for your coworker, I got hired as security detail for a singer named Wunmi."

Londyn inhales and I can see from her parted lips and the sudden creases along her inner eyes that she's heard of Wunmi, which means she already knows the ending to my story.

I clear my throat again. "She was like a sister to me. Found family, you know?"

Londyn nods, her eyes never leaving my face.

"We got close. I loved being with her, seeing her with her fiancé, joking around, feeling like I belonged." I rub my palms against my thighs, fighting against the memories trying to surface. "I'm sure you heard about her stalker. Some guy who followed her tour and sent disturbing packages. I was watching for him, but I got… distracted. My time with Wunmi became too comfortable. I started seeing her as family I wanted to hang out with instead of someone I was paid to protect."

My throat tightens, but I can't clear it this time and my words are hoarse. "Did you hear what happened to her?"

Londyn nods as she presses a palm to her chest.

The words stick, refusing to move past the growing knot in my throat. I don't need to say it since she already knows, but I force myself to finish anyway. I'll own my mistake.

"Wunmi asked me to get something off the tour bus. It could've been anyone else, but she begged me to do it. I made a call. The wrong call. I should've refused, even if she was mad at me, but I only wanted to make her happy. I acted the way a brother would instead of a bodyguard. I reasoned that it would only take five minutes, that there were other lines of security preventing her stalker from getting backstage. We also hadn't seen or heard from the guy in two months. And I made her lock her door. She should've been fine." I drop my head to stare at my boots. "But even with all that, my job was to stay with her. Mydutywas to be there. And I wasn't."

I close my eyes as the memory crashes through my barriers. The dressing room door was wide open when I returned. There was the metallic smell of blood. Wunmi was crumpled on the floor with her throat slit.

The cut was clean and deep and blood flowed from her body like a river. She had just enough life in her to meet my gaze as I pressed my hand to her throat and tried to stop the bleeding.

"How?" was her last gargled word.

And I knew what she meant: "How did he get past you?"

She had trusted me with her life. She has trusted in my abilities and I failed her.

Her eyes glazed over and she was gone.

My hands start shaking and I clench them into fists against the couch, trying to ground myself in Londyn's apartment so I don't slip too far into the past. Mickey's face invades my thoughts regardless.

As the news rippled throughout the concert arena and the police were called, Mikey rushed into the dressing room, pushing through the other security personnel. I was still there, holding Wunmi, my jeans completely soaked in her blood.

Mickey shoved me away as she screamed.

"How could you not protect her? You were supposed to PROTECT HER SEAN. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?"

I focus on my chest rising and falling. I'm suddenly aware of my erratic breath and the tremble in my shoulders. I get my breathing under control and force my heart back to a normal rhythm as Londyn waits beside me.

Even now, years later, the memory hollows me out completely. It leaves me raw and bleeding.

"They caught the guy," I say, even though Londyn probably read news articles about him. "He'll rot in jail for life, but it's not justice. I shouldn't have let it happen."

The gentle pressure of a hand on my wrist pulls me fully back to the present. Londyn scoots closer, her fingers lightly gripping me. Her eyes are soft with an emotion I didn't expect to see: compassion.

Not disgust, only kindness.

"I'm so sorry," she says. "That's… horrific. To lose someone you considered family. I can't imagine carrying such a heavy load."

I swallow hard against the persistent lump in my throat. Her touch is something solid to cling to while the waves of memory recede. "I won't have a repeat of that. Not ever."

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