Page 90 of Ugly Beautiful Scars

It's such a small thing, just the touch of skin against skin, but it's also monumental. I'm not carrying the weight of my past alone. Someone else has stepped into the void with me, not to rescue, but to stand beside me while I find my own way out.

"Tell me what you need," he says as another tear slips unnoticed down his cheek. "I'll do anything you ask."

The certainty in his voice startles me. There's no hesitation there, no conditions, just absolute commitment. "Anything? Why?"

"You say it's not my fault, but I can't stand knowing that I played any part in upsetting you. And…" He pauses, his thumb brushing lightly over my knuckles. "I just want to. I want to take your pain away. So whatever you need."

The raw honesty in his words make my lungs forget their job. No one has ever looked at me like this, like my well-being isthe most important thing in their world. Like they would move mountains or tear down cities if it meant I could breathe easier.

Sean, my heart is whispering.

"Anything?"

"If you want me to find Miller and take care of him, I will."

A small smirk starts to form on my lips from the dark humor, until I register the deadly seriousness in his expression. The soldier emerges—steady hands, unflinching gaze, a coiled readiness in his body. This man could receive an order and execute it without question. Threats would be neutralized. Problems would disappear.

I shiver. Not from fear, exactly, but from a strange discomfort mingled with… what? Power? I've had fantasies about The Director getting exactly what he deserves, about making sure he never hurts another woman the way he hurt me. Late at night, when the painful memories are sharpest, I've imagined all sorts of karmic justice being served.

But to actually have someone willing to make those dark fantasies real? It's like being handed a loaded gun when all I've ever had were paper drawings of weapons.

I have no doubt that Sean is capable of fulfilling those fantasies, but I shake my head as I look at our joined hands. His thumb is making slow, rhythmic circles along my knuckles. It's hypnotic and soothing. He has such long, strong fingers; they're elegantdespite their obvious strength. I imagine them trailing along my skin, exploring and caressing.

My eyes travel to his other hand, which is still tucked safely in his pocket. It's been like this each time, hasn't it? He's kept his distance, letting me be the one who closes it. Every touch between us has been initiated by me. When I flirted with him in the hallway, when I touched his scars, when I texted him to watch me… I was in control. And I didn't panic.

I only panicked when I gave Sean the reins, thinking I could handle it.

That's what I need: control. I need to set the pace and determine what happens and when. To be the director of my own intimate scenes at all times. At least for now.

"You mean anything?" I ask, my voice stronger now.

"Yes."

A risky thought crosses my mind, unfurling like smoke. I think I see a way forward, a path I can explore without the same risk of being triggered. It's my chance to reclaim what was stolen from me and finally move on.

"Could you send Mike away this weekend? What if he flew home to visit his family for just a few days? I'm sure he'd love that, and my stalkers are in hiding now anyway. With him gone, you could come over to my place without him watching." I swallow, gathering my courage. "We could… try again."

Sean's hand tenses around mine, his eyes searching my face. "I don't want to upset you."

"I have an idea we could try. I think it will keep me from getting so triggered. If you're willing?"

He looks conflicted. I mean, I understand since I just dropped a huge amount of baggage on him. I'm sure sex is furthest from his mind, but I'm not suggesting anything happennow.Just planning for the future.

"Think about it," I say, giving his hand a final squeeze before reluctantly letting go. I wish I could hold his hand forever. "I know what I shared with you was a lot. We both need time, so let's take a breather. Take a few days to think it over. If you're willing, send Mike home for the weekend and then come over to my place on Friday around eight."

My heart pounds against my ribs like it's trying to escape. Did I really just suggest that? Make plans for a weekend alone with Sean? I'm nervous but a lot more excited.

"I should go," I say, already thinking about what I need to order online in case Sean agrees. I'll need certain… items in order to face my fears and finally step through that window into the outside world. "I've got work. Just think about it?"

Sean nods, his expression still conflicted but softening around the edges.

As I walk to the door, I feel his eyes on me, steady and watchful.

I don't mind being seen.

Chapter 28

SEAN

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