Page 57 of Whispers of the Dead

Hope flickers inside me so bright, hot, and dangerous that I fear it’ll burn me from the inside, but I force myself to hold her gaze. I’ve been burned before. Left behind, abandoned, and betrayed. I don’t know if I can survive it again. “Could you ever care for me like you seem to care for Benji and Damon? Can you look me in the eye and tell me I’m more than a mere way to pass the time? Because you don’t have to. I know we’re all prisoners here, and you have a whole life outside these walls that we don’t have a right to be a part of. All you have to do is say no, and we can continue along without expectations and nothing will change.”

“But if I say yes?” she asks without missing a beat.

“If you say yes, then you better be ready to back it up because lying to me and leading me on will destroy me.”

Her lips curve into a genuine smile. “Yes.”

“Why?” I demand. My heart hammers against my ribs so hard that it hurts, but I can’t calm it down. Not when shelooks at me like that. Like she actually wants me in her life for more than just company and protection.

Her gaze softens and her lips curve into a small, genuine smile. The first one I’ve seen in days. “Because you make me feel safe. All three of you do, and I want to give you that same feeling in return. To guard your hearts like you’ve been guarding me. Though I’ll still respect your wishes and keep my distance if you want me to, but you should know that I really don’t want to.”

“Is it only safety you want? Because I can provide that without anything in return. I won’t just stand by and watch you die. Even if you walk away and shatter me.”

She shakes her head. “Few people choose to hold me up when I can’t stand after they witness my weaknesses. You literally did that. All three of you have been doing that. I don’t know if these feelings result from this crazy shared experience, but I’m willing to find out and give it a try. Your simple touch electrified me when most others do nothing but numb me.”

Her un-roped hand reaches out toward me, and her fingers tremble. “I so badly wish to close this distance, Cole,” she admits. “It hurts. Constantly being so close, yet still so far away. Now that I’ve seen you and touched you, I don’t want to stop.”

Her words pull something deep and raw inside me, twisting it until it feels like my chest might cave in. She has no idea how terrifying her request is. Closing the distance means opening a door I’ve kept locked for years. One that once led to nothing but pain, but is finally a suffocated paradise.

Yet, the way she looks at me with her vulnerability matched by her courage, it chips away at my fear. I push myself up and lower my bare feet onto the floor, even though my body protests every inch. Pain knifes through my ribs, but I ignore it. Pain is irrelevant when I’m in front ofher, and I need to close this distance between us. I need to feel something other than the ache of survival.

Then I stop. There’s one thing I still need to know. “What about Avery?”

She frowns. “What about him?”

“You said he confuses you.” My hands curl into fists against the thin sheet I’m sitting on. “In what way?”

She hesitates, but she doesn’t look away. “He’s not like the other dregs.”

My stomach knots, but this is what I needed to hear. Even if it’s not the answer I wanted.

“There’s a weird sort of kindness in him. Something that makes me feel safe, too, but…” she shrugs. “I don’t know what it means yet, but I do know that after you, Benji, and Damon, he’s the next one here that I trust.”

“What about anyone else here?”

She shakes her head. “No. There are some who are worse than others, and some who are downright evil, but no one else confuses me or gives me butterflies or makes me physically ache from wanting to touch them.”

“What would happen if you had to choose? Between him and the three of us? Or even between all of us?”

Her wide eyes blink as if the question caught her off guard. Then she shrugs after a moment. “I honestly don’t know, Cole. I used to think I knew what life would look like. Live simple, survive day by day, sleep every once in a while. Then, since I’ve been here, I’ve realized I want so much more.”

“More?” I repeat.

She takes a deep breath. “I’ve seen how my friend Emily went through hell and back for the loves of her life.”

“Loves? Plural?” I ask, making sure I heard right.

She smiles at me. “Yeah, three of them. It’s a hell of a story. Maybe I’ll tell you guys about it later when we need to pass some time.” She shakes her head. “I can’t help butwonder if there’s someone out there for me like that, too? Or maybe even someones.” Her lips twitch into a wry smile. “I’m not saying I want to jump on every penis I come across. Heck, I’ve even cut off one. What I mean is, caring about someone, and genuinely caring, is rare nowadays. So when I find people I care about, I want to hold on as tight as I can and never let go. You’re worth so much more than that, and I want to gouge out the eyes of every single person who ever made you feel like less.”

Her words roll over me like a balm, soothing the cracks I never thought could heal.

“Before they captured me, my life was bleak. I watched in black and white while everyone else around me lived their lives. They laughed, they loved, and they exuded joy. Meanwhile, I spent my days watching from the outskirts with a veil over my eyes. I never imagined it would take getting thrown into a place where I couldn’t see anything, before I finally saw colors again.”

A new crack forms inside of me, but this time it’s for her. That veil is one I know all too well. “I’ve been in the dark for so long that I never thought I would see the light again. Then you showed up with your stubborn determination, always shoving knives in your bras without cutting off your tits.”

She laughs. It’s light and airy. A sound I want to hear again. Then she meets my gaze. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see potential with Avery, too, but this whole situation is so fucked up. I don’t know much at all. What I do know, though, is that you are absolutely not a means to an end or a way to pass the time. You have the kind of heart that I want to protect above all else, and I’d never callously break something as pure as yours.”

A storm brews inside me. A good one, I think. One that doesn’t want to destroy, but the opposite. I need to touch her. We’ve already wasted too much time being apart.

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