Page 46 of Ghosts of the Dead

He shifts closer. His knees press against mine as though anchoring me to the ground. His fingers tighten around mine with surprising gentleness. The small pinch of pain helps keep me from fully disappearing into the fog.

When he speaks, his voice remains calmer than the racing pulse I feel when my fingers brush over his wrist. “I want you to match me.”

My pulse roars in my ears. The world narrows, the sound fading to a muffled hum. My fingers tingle, too cold, too hot.

Jace squeezes my fingers. “In. Two. Three. Hold. Out. Two. Three. Four.”

I try. I can’t. A wheeze comes out of me instead, expelling air I can’t afford to lose. A single tear collects at the corner of my eye.

“Again. In. Hold. Out.” His gaze never leaves my face. The concern in his eyes transforms into something closer to terror with each passing second of my failure.

I try again.

His thumbs rub slow circles over my knuckles. “In. Hold. Out.”

My fingers tighten around his. I dig my nails into his skin without meaning to, but he doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t even glance down. He only watches me and keeps counting, forcing himself to remain calm despite the storm raging in his eyes.

I try again. My vision darkens, but I don’t give up.

The world slows.

On the fifth cycle, my lungs hitch, then stutter, until air rushes into my lungs. It’s fast and cold and feels like tiny knives, but it’s air. Sweet, delicious air. I’m breathing again.

I collapse forward into him, and he catches me without hesitation. His arms lock around my back, holding me together while I fall apart. My cheek rests against his chest. I feel his heartbeat beneath my cheek, thudding at a furious speed as though he was more terrified than I was, but that doesn’t make any sense.

Luna moves closer still. She lies on the ground a foot away, watching me with big, dark eyes. She’s still here. I want to reach out to her, but I don’t want to scare her away.

Heat radiates from Jace’s body, and I bury my face against his throat. “I couldn’t stop it.”

“I’ve got you,” he says. His hand runs up my spine, then back down again. “You’re not alone.”

He makes it so easy to want to believe him, but I don’t know if that’s a promise he can keep. I am alone, no matter how many people surround me. That’s always how it’s been.

If anyone can come in and take my sister from me, then how can anyone guarantee they’ll always be there, too?

The tear falls down my cheek, and I shut my eyes tight. Then I open them again when I don’t like the vision I see. The part of the memory that’s made it difficult to sleep.

I tell him. Because I need someone to understand.

And right now, I want it to be him. “I was sleeping thenight those men came for us. For me and Summer. We were both asleep. That’s what scares me the most.”

Jace stiffens, then tightens his hold around me. His hand rubs up and down my back in a slow rhythm. His body vibrates with the anger I’ve only seen at a distance, and I worry I’ve upset him. Regardless, I dry my tear when I bury my face against him and try to drown out the world and all my problems.

“That won’t happen again,” he says. Another one of his promises. That eases my fears, coming from him. “Not ever.”

I nod against his chest.

Then, because I’m not ready to put that space between us that he so badly wants, I close my eyes and let myself believe him.

Jace vanishesthe moment Caspian and Mars return, slipping into the shadows like he can’t bear to be around us. Or maybe it’s me he doesn’t want to be around. I miss his warmth the moment it’s gone. The absence of his touch is almost louder than the rotters I faced in the city.

Caspian pours more water into the metal bowl we gave Luna. It’s been sweet seeing these guys take a liking to her while respecting her wishes for distance.

Mars works on wiping something off his blade with a grimace. I don’t need to get a closer look to know what it is. It’s almost enough to make me grimace, too.

Caspian approaches first, carrying a bottle of water. He kneels beside me in that careful way he has, like he’s always afraid of startling someone. After learning more about him, I can understand why. Without a word, he twists off the cap and hands me the bottle, reminding me of the night I struggled to open it on my own after I first hurt my wrist.

He shoots a curious glance toward where Jace disappeared, then looks back at me. “Was Jace nice to you, or do I need to punch some manners into him?”

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