Page 19 of Dex

“Maybe not, but it felt like it most of the time. I needed to put me and the baby first. You have rejected me so many times, Dex. I needed to make sure that you wanted to be a dad at least. It would have killed me if you walked away from me, but I would have handled it. But I wanted to make sure that you wanted her. You can’t be angry at me for that.” Fuck, she has me there. Why the fuck does she have to be right all the time? My chest aches at her words. I made her like this; I made her doubt me as a boyfriend and as a father-to-be. Fiona would kick my arse if she could. I bet she is turning in her grave. She knew I have always wanted kids and now here I am, twenty weeks or so from meeting my baby girl. And I am so fucking pissed at her mum for keeping her from me.

“I should have been told in the beginning, Ads. I get what you are saying but don't you think it was my decision just as much as yours? I would never turn my back on you or our baby. You should have told me.”

“We are never going to agree on the reasons why the decision was made. I think I did the right thing for me, you don’t. Well tough fucking shit, Dex, the decision was mine and I made it. Now we need to move on. Now our baby girl is coming soon. I have to get shit sorted. You can either be in her life or not, but if you walk away now, don’t come back. It is now or never, Dex.”

“There she is.” I smile at her. Addy frowns at me.

“What? There who is?” she asks.

“My Addy.” Her eyes go wide at my answer.

“But I am not your Addy, though, am I?” She quirks a perfect brow at me.

“No?”

“No, Dex. You have made that clear by the way you have spoken to me. I am not a fucking door mat. If you want me then say it, don’t beat around the bush, give it to me straight. I can handle it.” She throws my words back at me. Mouthy little witch. My mouthy witch.

“You say I hurt you, but you have hurt me back. You have had time to get used to the idea of being a parent, I haven't. You have to give me time. I need to work through a few things. Maybe we can work through things slowly. Take one day at a time, until I have had time to process all this.” I wave at her baby bump.

“So, I have to sit and wait around for you to decide if you want me or just the baby?”

“I need time, Ads,” I tell her. My frustration growing.

“Time? I needed fucking time, Dexter, and you begged me to come home. You got pissy with me when I refused to come home. I was dealing with this-” I cut her off.

“Well, now I need time to deal with this. I have just found out I am going to be a father for fucks sake. Give me a break here.” I turn and walk over to the window again. The night has crept in and the city lights glow in the darkness. I take a deep breath, calming myself down. I don’t want to say anything I will regret. Plus, I don’t want to get Addy more worked up; it isn’t good for her or our baby girl. I know that I want Addy and our baby girl. But I need to wrap my head around all of this. I need to talk to Jay and Liam, they will help me deal with this. I know that they will support both mine and Addy’s decision. Her keeping the baby from me stings, but I do see a small part of why she did it. Fuck.

I reach up and squeeze the back of my neck, the tension pulling at the muscles. I need to hit something. I need to get a sparring session in with Luke. That guy is epic in the ring. I swear if he wasn’t a talented tattoo artist he would be a professional MMA fighter. I turn to look back at Addy and she is playing with her phone.

“Who are you talking to?”

“Lauren.” I pull a face, not knowing who that is. “The mouthy bitch. My best friend.” That little jab hurts. Me, Jay and Liam were always her best friends. It was always the four of us growing up.

“What are you telling her? Telling her to come and cut my cock and balls off?” She laughs a small laugh but stops herself.

“No. I am holding her off for your sake. My daughter needs her dad.”Daughter.Makes my heart flutter every time I hear it.

“Well, thank you for that. Listen, I’m gonna go. You need your rest and I need to get rid of this tension in my body. I -”

“Wow. Same old Dexter-fucking-Castle. Just go, Dex. Me and yourdaughterwill be fine here.” She grinds out the word daughter just for added effect.

“That’s not what I meant, but if you want to help with that, here I am.” I smirk at her.

“Captain Twat,” she mutters under her breath. Fuck, I have missed that.

“I meant I need to arrange a sparring session with Luke. He fights like a beast. I will come by tomorrow. If you need anything just text me and I will get it. Are you okay, if I tell the boys?” She shrugs and looks away. What is she hiding?

“Tell me,” I demand.

“Tell you what?” she asks, innocently.

“What you are hiding. Now, Ads.”

“You can’t get mad. Shit, who am I kidding, of course you are going to get mad.”

“Tell me.”

“Liam knows. He saw me at the hospital. I made him promise not to tell you until I was ready.” She looks down at her phone again, twisting it in her hands.

“He fucking knew and didn’t say anything? I saw him the other day, I was happy for him and Penny and their baby. And he knew all along that you were hiding my fucking baby from me.”

“I- I kinda threatened him.” She is back to whispering.

“With what?”

“I told him I would never forgive him if he told you. I wouldn’t speak to him again. This is on me, Dex, not Liam.” Damn fucking right it is on her, but he is a fucking man and a father at that. He should have told me and dealt with her petty threats later. He should have known damn well that she wouldn’t stand by them. I turn and pick my hoodie up off the chair and stalk to the door. Before I walk out of the room, I look back once more at the woman carrying my baby. The woman that has held my heart for so long. The woman who knows how to fucking destroy me.

“I have to go. I need to get my head straight. Rest up.” I ignore the tears and walk out of the room, leaving a part of me in there with her.

Fucking shit to high heaven. I need a drink and to hit something.

---