Page 7 of Jay

“Wanker,” I say louder that I should have. I never use that word but it slipped out, warranted at this moment. A gasp comes from my side as an elderly lady walks past me. I mutter a ‘sorry’ before dragging my eyes back to where Jay is standing with the girl, only to find they are both looking in my direction. Great. Just fucking great. I turn around and storm away, not waiting to see if he has anything to say to me. These emotions are driving me crazy. And me feeling crazy, makes me do crazythings.

* * *

What didI say about feeling crazy making me do crazy things? Yeah, well, here I am proving myself right, again. What a tit I am! It’s just past ten at night and I’m waiting at his door for him to answer. The sight of seeing Jay with that girl today, sent me in a tailspin. I need to feel his body against mine. I need to feel his tongue do amazing things to my core. To taste him on my tongue. The feel of him inside me, pumping into me like no other man has. All these mixed emotions are running rampant in my head and heart. I still know I can’t be with him, but my selfish desires are leading the way right now. The door opens and there he is. Jay Castle in all his half naked glory. He stands there in a pair of grey jogging bottoms that hang low on his hips. That special V standing to attention. He sighs loudly, making my gaze snaptohis.

“What are you doing here, Rachel?” He soundspissed.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry. Can I come in? I really don’t want to be standing out here allnight.”

“Fine.” He sighs again. He opens the door a little more and moves to one side so I can walk past him. His house is amazing. I remove my coat and drop it to the floor, smiling when I hear Jay take in a sharp breath behind me - he likes what he sees. Tonight, I decided to wear my red and black lace two piece. The lace corset matches the lace knickers. The red panels are silk and the black lace covers the sides. The knickers have the lace panel right over my wet, pulsing mound. It’s waiting for Jay to come and have some fun. I finished off my look with black peep-toe pumps. I turn and smile up at him. I see his fists are clenching at his sides, he is trying so hard not totouchme.

“Do you like it?” I ask seductively. I lick my lips but Jay’s eyes stay lockedonmine.

“Rachel.” His tone is carrying a warning. A warning for what, I don’tknowyet.

“What? Don’t you like it?” I step closer to him and lay my hand on his hard chest. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Finally, he opens them and looks at me, directly into my eyes as if he’s searching for something. Different emotions slide through his face and I find it hard toreadhim.

“Stop.” He steps back from me. “Why are you here, Rach?” he asks again, like he didn’t believe my earlieranswer.

“I need you, Jay. I want to feel you and taste you.” I step closer to him and drag my fingertips over his bare chest, tracing the tattoo on his right pectoral muscle. I was never one to like men with tattoos but Jay is sexyassin.

“No,” is allhesays.

“I know you want me, Jay. You want to feel me against your skin. I know you, Jay.” I brush my breasts against his chest and he shudders. I know I have an effect on him – well, he is a man after all. What man can resist me? I slide my hand down his body and cup his hard length in my hand. Jay sucks in a breath as I kiss hischest.

“God, you taste good, Jay. Let me taste moreofyou.”

“Why?” he grinds out between clenchedteeth.

“What do you mean, why?” I say betweenkisses.

“Why are you here? Is it because you want more? Or because you saw me talking to another girl today?” Fuck, he did see me. I was hoping I had been mistaken when he looked my way earlier. I lift my head and my gaze lands on his. He’s frowning down at me. Was I jealous when I saw him talking to that girl? Yes. Do I want more with him? Yes-NO! I can’t give him more. He must see the decision on my face because hestepsback.

“Jay, I-” But he cutsmeoff.

“You should go. I can’t keep playing these games with you. Just go.” I close the gap between us and lay both of my hands on his chest. I lean in and kiss his sternum, once, twice, before hestepsback.

“STOP! Just stop. For crying out loud, can you just stop with all the sex stuff. I want more. I deserve more, for fucks sake.” He walks away from me and heads toward the front door. Shame. Humiliation races through my body, but I won’t show him that he’s hurt me. Tears prick the back of my eyes but I blink them away. I walk over to my coat and pick it up, before sliding it on. I button up my coat, then square my shoulders as I walk towards him. He straightens his posture and keeps his eyes on the ground. I shake my head at him and close the gap between us. I lean in, ready to kiss his cheek, but he backs away a little. Deflated, I step towardsthedoor.

“You do deserve more, Jay. But so do I,” Itellhim.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I have only ever treated youright.”

“Yeah, but I deserve to be treated how I want. And you… You could never give me that. So, I’ll have to find another man that will give me exactly what Ineedand what Iwant.” My voice rises as the sentence goes on but he needs to hear me. He needs tohateme.

“Well, good luck with that.” With his parting words, I step out of the house and watch as he slams the front door in my face. I hang my head. My heart aches, but this was forthebest.

I walk away from his house and out onto the street. The street is empty, just like my life. Time for a new journey. Something that will give me what I need, what I desire. Tomorrow is a new day for Rachel Cullen. I just hope I made the rightchoice.

jay

It’s beena week since Rachel walked out of my house, and my emotions are all over the place. I hate her for the way she acted, but I miss her as well. I know I shouldn’t but fuck, I do. I know I need to move on. I laid in bed last night thinking over everything that has happened between us. The things she said to me the last time I saw her. I get what she was saying but I hate that she refuses to even try and see where things go. Is it that bad being with me? Today, Dex and Addy are having a BBQ, so that will, hopefully, take my mind offthings.

Mainly Rachel-fucking-Cullen.

I dress in my light blue denim boardies that have some rips in them, and throw on my red short-sleeved checked shirt. They’re my trademark - ninety percent of the time, I’m in a checked shirt. Slipping my feet into my white Converse, I stand and walk over to the wall bracket that holds my baseballs caps. Liam got me addicted to buying these things, I have maybe thirty caps. My favourite is my Castle Ink one, it has our studio logo on. Addy had them designed, along with our t-shirts and other shop merchandise. She’s a good egg that one. I chuckle to myself at the things Addy wanted to buy for thestudio.

I walk out of my bedroom, slipping my cap on my head, keeping my short hair hidden. It’s in no fit state to be making a public appearance; hence the ball cap. My keys and wallet are next to be picked up. I tuck my phone into my pocket and open my front door. A rare blast of heat wraps around me. Damn, I wish we got this weather all year round. I lock up and make the drive over to my brother and sister-in-law’s house. Well soon-to-be sister-in-law, but then again, she’s always been like a sistertome.

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