Page 31 of Second Draft

“Then I guess I’ll have to wait until you can.”

Chapter 12

Layla

When Carter is gone, I touch my lips where his thumb had been a few minutes before. My body still buzzes with electricity, and my brain is spinning with what he just said.

Then I guess I’ll have to wait until you can.

A million questions blare in my head. Questions I’m too much of a coward to ask.

Like, why me? Why now? If it’s just sex he wants, he can get it anywhere. And if it’s more, which I can’t imagine is likely, is he really willing to stick around when I’m going to have his brother’s baby?

This whole situation isn’t just awkward, it’s insane.

I flip open the cover of War and Peace and pull out the old photo, frowning when I run my fingers over my mother’s stern face.

God, despite everything, there are some days when I really miss her.

Today is one of them.

What I wouldn’t give to crawl into my old bed, and have her stroke my hair, and sing me to sleep like she used to do when I was little. But that will never happen. To them, I might as well be dead, because there’s no going home. Ever.

I put the picture back, and snort when I think about what they would say if they saw me now. I can only imagine the horrified look on my mom’s face if she ever saw Carter with all his tattoos.

Tattoos are the devil’s mark. That’s what my parents believed.

Seven years away from them and I can still hear their voices in my head, constantly criticizing, always condemning

Still dressed in my work clothes, I pull back the sheets and crawl into bed, wrapping my arms around my chest, and wishing that it was Carter’s strong arms holding me, comforting me.

Don’t be delusional, Layla.

If I allow him in and, drop my guard, I know I’ll never survive when he walks away. And there’s no doubt in my mind that hewillwalk away.

As good as his intentions are, and as strong as the attraction is between us, I’m still carrying another man’s child.

Better to keep my walls up. Keep the boundaries I’ve already put in place. Remember why it’s dangerous to trust anyone.

Sucking in a shaky breath, I pinch my eyes shut and try to ignore the hollowness inside of me. The vacant spot that yearns to be filled.

He’ll destroy me if I let him.

Better to be alone.

But I’ve always been alone, and somedays it’s just too much.

My parents weren’t able to conceive again after they had me, so from a young age, with no siblings around, I learned how to be on my own. It’s one of the reasons I love reading so much. Books aren’t just an escape, they’re my connection to people – even if they aren’t real.

Yeah, I’m used to being alone.

But it doesn’t make it any less lonely.

I pull the comforter over my shoulders. I’m exhausted. Too tired to think. Almost too tired to feel. But as sleep pulls me into its cradle of darkness, only one face fills my dreams.

Carter.

Chapter 13

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