Page 15 of Until I Break

“How could you let him do that?” she asks Calder tearfully.

“Liza, baby… We were very fucking clear about this. We covered everything,” Calder says. “He didn’t do anything you didn’t give consent to a dozen times.”

“I didn’t…”She starts to yell again but stops when I hand her my phone with the chat log open. “What the fuck is this?”

“Two weeks’ worth of your consent,” I say bitterly.

As she scrolls, the realization hits me that she didn’t know. Dread seeps into my soul when she starts crying again. “This isn’t me,” she whimpers. When the phone slips out of her hands and hits the floor, it hits me.

I raped her.

This wasn’t kink, it was blatant sexual assault. She fucking begged me… and I raped her.

“Eliza, I’m sorry,” I say as tears surface. I drop down to my knees in front of her as tears spill down my cheeks, and I take her hands. “I thought… I’m so sorry. I… you have to believe me… I didn’t mean to. I swear to God, I didn’t mean to. I thought you knew.”

My heart shatters into a million tiny pieces, watching her cry. I never meant to hurt her. I thought we covered everything. I never thought to second-guess it. Why didn’t I at least check in with her? I should have. Maybe if I had, it wouldn’t have gone that far. I promised her that I would take care of her. We fucking poured our hearts out in those messages. I told her I loved her. I don’t know what to do, so I lay my head on her lap and wrap my arms around her waist as emotions dump out of me.

“I’m so sorry, Liza. I’m sorry,” I cry.

Eight

Eliza

I am so goddamnconfused right now. I read the messages, and I get it. They all sound like me, but why would someone do that? Why would someone set them up to rape me? I am looking at Calder, and he is crying too, but more in control than Julian is right now. Julian is sobbing in my lap, and we are still butt ass naked.

“I’m so confused,” I admit quietly.

“We did everything to make sure we were doing it the right way,” Calder says. “We really didn’t know, Liza. I swear. He never would have done that if he had known…”

“Who would do this?” I ask. “Why? What does anyone gain from pretending to be me?”

“What does Troy do for work?” Calder asks, sitting on the bed next to me. I am gently stroking Julian’s hair, trying to help him calm down. He is going to pass out if he doesn’t stop and breathe soon. It breaks my heart to hear him like this.

“He’s a computer engineer,” I say, and then it hits me. “My goddamn phone… He used to have some app on there that told him my location… What if it did more? I tried to text and call you two the entire time you were gone. That’s why Ryan was the one calling you guys, because I couldn’t get anything out of you.”

“We never got anything from you. In the chat we asked how the office was, and you relayed the same information that Ryan was.”

“I want to read through all of them,” I say firmly.

“Of course. I’ll give you the password, and you can log in,” he says tearfully. “Eliza, honey. I swear, this never would have happened if we thought for a second you weren’t consenting.”

“Juli, please breathe,” I say, grabbing his face and making him look at me. “Just breathe and calm down so we can talk, okay?”

“I’m so sorry, Liza. I’m sorry,” he whimpers. “Please believe me. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I promise I didn’t.”

“I know, Juli. I believe you,” I say gently. “You scared the fuck out of me, but I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me… Well… Hurt isn’t the right word, but I’m okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

“I know, Juli. Just breathe and relax,” I say. “Come up here and sit.”

Julian sniffs and nods before moving to sit on the bed. I pull him closer so I can properly hug him, and he buries his face in my neck as his entire body shakes. This time, he calms down. When he pulls away, I smile.

“We will figure this out, Julian. Okay?” I ask.

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise,” he says matter-of-factly.

“What can we do right now?” Calder asks.

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