Page 124 of In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes

When I spoke with Willa on the phone today, we decided which furniture we’d keep for the new apartment. She was so excited.

I didn’t belong in Holden’s home, no matter how much I wanted to. I belonged back in Toronto. I owed it to Willa, so she could pursue her career as an artist. After how she had supported me when Grant left, I couldn’t bail on her like that.

“We got that project.” Holden’s mouth turned up. “The apartment buildings.”

I gasped, lighting up. “You did?”

He smiled wider, nodding.

“Holden.” I walked around the bar to him before wrapping my arms around his neck in a hug. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks, honey,” he said into my hair. He was so warm and solid, I could sink right into him. “I gave it to Aiden.”

I leaned back to study him. “Aiden.”

He nodded, something sweet and interested growing behind his eyes.

“I thought you would run that project.”

His throat worked and he dragged in a breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m trying to cut back. I can’t work like this forever if I want…” He cut himself off before he shrugged. His careful gaze returned to mine. “If I want other things.”

I chewed my lip. If he wanted a wife and a family.

He must have really wanted those things if he handed off that massive project at work. My throat constricted, and I didn’t know why. I knew he wanted those things. He had been upfront from day one.

So why did it stab me in the heart a little to hear him making steps towards them?

Because I wanted him to want me.

Ugh. Sadie. You pathetic fool.

His goals hadn’t changed. I was the one losing focus over here, getting swept away by secret libraries and yellow raincoats.

I studied him, threading my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck, wondering what the hell his big flaw was. I tried to picture myself staying and Holden flipping the tables on me, ruining my life like Grant had.

I came up with nothing. He didn’t have it in him. He’d drown me with all the teas he brought me, give me a stroke from having too many orgasms, or I’d go missing because him and I were still walking in the forest, holding hands, twenty years later.

A customer caught my attention and I offered Holden a quick, tight smile. “Be right back.”

“I’ll be here.”

I sighed as I walked over to the customer to take their order.

Why couldn’t he be awful? Why couldn’t he be slimy and chauvinistic and arrogant? Why did he have to be steady, kind, thoughtful, protective, and handsome as hell?

I felt like I was being tested, and I had no clue what the right answer was.

“Sadie,” a customer said a few minutes later. “I heard about the tree. Are you okay?”

Over the rest of the night, I told the story of the tree falling at least a dozen times. Everyone had heard and the bar was busier than usual.

“If your arm hurts, you let me know, okay?” Olivia said later. She hadn’t wanted me to work tonight but I insisted I was fine.

Besides, if I wasn’t at the bar tonight, I’d be at Holden’s place, which meant he’d be there too, and that was risky. Warm, inviting, and super fucking dangerous. I liked the idea of having him all to myself in his gorgeous home too much.

Elizabeth took a seat beside Holden and waved at me. I hustled over, and when I arrived, she stood and gave me a big hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she said, squeezing me, and my eyes welled up with tears. I blinked them away as fast as possible. Elizabeth was so freaking nice. She made me miss Katherine.

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