Page 159 of In Your Dreams, Holden Rhodes

The west coast was three hours earlier than Toronto so it was only eight thirty there. Was he already there, sitting at the bar, eyes on the TV? Or was his family doing something tonight and forced him to join?

DId he feel as shitty as I did? I hoped not.

I hoped he didn’t have this sinking ache in his chest that I did, and every day wasn’t worse than the last.

Ugh.Sadie, you are being so pathetic.

Willa smiled at me. “It was fun getting ready tonight. Like we were back in university.”

I smiled back at her and nodded. “Thank you for letting me stay at your place so long.” I winced. “I know it’s not ideal.”

She tilted her head, giving me a hard look. “Don’t give me that. You know I love living with you. Besides,” she added gesturing to her dress and wiggling her eyebrows. “If you weren’t staying at my place, I never would have tried this on.”

I nodded. “True. It’s perfect on you.”

Willa glanced around. “Have you seen the server? I’m craving snacky foods.” Her eyes lit up. “Tacos! That’s what I want. With guac on the side.”

My mind flashed back to the Juicy Taco night I dragged Holden to. That was the first night we had a real conversation where we weren’t sniping at each other. Where I saw a sliver of the guy I would fall in love with. I remembered the way his mouth would twitch in the early days, when I’d tell a stupid joke and he’d be trying not to laugh.

God, I loved it when he laughed.

My eyes stung and I blinked, dragging in a deep breath and pushing the memory away.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” Willa asked, careful gaze on me.

I swallowed past a knot in my throat. “Here?”

She shrugged. “Why not?”

Because I’d start crying, that’s why not.

My gaze roamed the party, everyone all dressed up, laughing and having the best time while I was stuck in the past. A year ago, I’d be one of those people out on the dancefloor, breaking it down and taking photos with my friends, toasting to the year ahead.

This year, though, being here felt all wrong. Not just here in the club, here in Toronto. Living with Willa. It was like I returned a different person.

I stood. “I think I’m going to go.”

Willa’s face fell. “No.”

“Yeah.” I winced at her. “I don’t want to be a bummer. Really. I want to take these heels off and go to bed.”

Her gaze darted around again. “Just a few more minutes. Stay until midnight.” Her eyebrows lifted and her eyes were pleading. “For me?”

I hesitated before I sat back down. Willa was my bestie, and we’d do anything for each other. She wanted me here until midnight, so I’d put on a happy face and stick it out for half an hour more.

“I don’t fit in here anymore,” I told her.

She studied me with a thoughtful expression before she nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

My stomach swooped. “You do?”

“You used to love living here and now your head is somewhere else.” A sad smile turned up on her mouth.

I deflated. Was it that obvious? My thoughts strayed back to Queen’s Cove, shuffling through my stack of memories from my time there. Holden. The bar. Olivia. The inn. Holden. Avery. Hannah. Elizabeth. Holden.

Willa sipped her drink. “I can hear you crying at night.”

My gaze shot to hers, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

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