Page 111 of Shaped By Darkness

I wake feeling trapped, my dropping like it has a lead weight in it. Was I asleep for minutes or hours? I don’t know, but panic is heavy on my chest as I struggle to fill my lungs. My head hurts, my eyes feel heavy, and when I rub them, I find my cheeks wet with tears.

Why was I crying?

I don’t feel rested at all, but the guys are all passed out, even with the sun streaming in the window. I’d love to blame its warm rays for the way my hair sticks to my face, but I know it was my dream… no, nightmare.

The feeling of eyes on me pulls my attention to the window, and I find Ryker sitting in my spot, a book on his lap that he’s ignoring in favor of watching me. His eyes move over me, full of concern, and I force a smile that I don’t feel in hopes of convincing him I’m okay.

He doesn’t buy it, but he also doesn’t call me on it, and I’ll take it.

Once my breathing is under control, I fall back on the bed, unwilling to wake the guys after so many nights of them missing sleep on my behalf.

I lay awake, letting my mind wander. Going back over our conversation with Theo the other day, what I know of my past, and the nightmares.

It’s like I have a puzzle, but only half the pieces.

Pike huffs in his sleep at my side before he rolls into me, wrapping his arm around my waist and his leg around mine, trapping me. It should feel suffocating, especially after my nightmare, but it’s not. If anything, he’s kind of like a weighted blanket, and before I can really think too much about it, I fall into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

Ryker’s been here a week, but you would think he just showed up, walking right out of the shadows with the way everyone acts around him.

Well, everyone that isn’t us, Rosalynn and Darian.

Yesterday one of the girls who collects the laundry cried when she saw him before running away. She left the pile of dirty clothes and almost fell down the stairs in her rush to get away from him.

It took two counts of ten for me to calm down so that I didn’t chase her down and shake her.

It’s hard to remember that to these people, Ryker is the thing of their nightmares. For all I know, he could be responsible for killing one of her loved ones, burning down her village, or something else that’s equally as terrible as it is traumatic.

Ryker isn’t that to me; he’s actually the opposite.

He saved me that night in the woods, and again when I went to the wrong village, and when Lyle tried to attack me and…

Shit, Ryker saves me a lot.

Which is why I’m so protective of him, why I hate the way people look at him, eyes full of fear or hatred.

At least I think that’s why, or what I keep telling myself.

Whatever, it doesn’t matter why, I just know I hate it.

“You can’t expect their minds to change about me this quickly, Darling.” Even with my eyes closed, I feel him as he steps up beside me; his presence soothes me, taking the edge off my anger. We stand in silence for a moment before his fingers find mine, tangling them together. The action catches me so off guard that my eyes fly open, the guard who’d just shoulder checked him forgotten as I look up at him.

He looks down at me, and while there’s sadness in his eyes along with that ever-present self-loathing, there's something new too.

It takes me a second to realize what it is, but when I do, I can’t help the smile that pulls at my lips.

Hope.

Hope is a powerful thing.

The first time we trained, it was just us, something I’m more than okay with. Then slowly the guys started joining us again, just like they used to in the clearing. One day Rosalynn comes out, and the next, Darian comes too. Ryker is used to the guys, but having the King and Queen watch you can be unnerving even if you aren’t the son of the most hated man in the realm and responsible for the destruction of villages and the death of their people.

He doesn’t hide, though; he stays with me, continuing to teach me how to control my magic, all in hopes that we can save Lyle and free Ryker from his father for good. He might have been able to resist his call, but I want him free of Draven forever, so he doesn’t have to keep looking over his shoulder, worrying he might lose control at any moment.

Yesterday we trained, and it was the first time Ryker really let loose the way he used to. We destroyed half the training grounds, but when we were done, Darian had come to talk to us, asking Ryker a bunch of questions he couldn’t answer about his abilities because they aren’t his. Darian seemed disappointed that he couldn’t learn more, but told Ryker he was here if he ever wanted to try to look into it and figure it out.

Every day that passed attracted more people, until I’m pretty sure every guard and resident of the castle was watching us.

It wasn’t only Ryker who made them afraid, and them seeing how my shadows have grown didn’t seem to help. Not everyone is a judgemental ass, though; a lot of the servants and ladies-in-waiting don’t seem to mind what powers Ryker has since he’s hot, so I guess at least there's that.

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