Page 112 of Shaped By Darkness

Then there’s Nero, who I didn’t think could hate me more.

Boy, was I wrong.

“I miss the clearing,” I whine to Ryker as we finish our spar and head back into the castle for lunch. I finally feel like I’m getting the hang of my magic, but it takes a toll on me. By the time we’re done training, I’m exhausted and starving.

Ryker thinks I’ll get used to it and that it’s only like this because I gained so much magic so quickly without ever being able to train it. I hope he’s right because at this rate, I feel like I’m going to single-handedly eat the kingdom dry.

It doesn’t help that we train twice a day now. Once in the morning like this for my shadows and once after dinner. Our nighttime training isn’t a show, though; instead, the King andQueen have kept it very hush-hush, not even allowing the guards to be posted, and while I’m happy to be away from Nero’s prying eyes for it, I can’t help but feel like something is wrong.

Why else would they hide that the guys have access to the more refined versions of the elements?

The only thing I can think is it must have something to do with me.

“These are your people, Serena, they need to get used to you,” Garrett tells me, and while I know he’s trying to help, his words do the opposite as he reminds me yet again that I’ll someday be the queen.

Yippie, as if they don’t hate me enough already. I’m sure they will love having me rule them.

My stomach turns, and suddenly I’m not very hungry. I skid to a stop; the guys doing the same as they look at me with varying degrees of confusion.

“I… I’m not that hungry,” I tell them, trying to force a smile, but it feels fake, and I let it drop. “I’m going to go take a nap. I’ll be back down before dinner.” Stepping back, I hook my thumb over my shoulder, pointing back to the main staircase as I make my way back toward it, as if they don’t know which way the room is.

“Do you want company?” Pike asks, and I want to kick myself when I see the concern in his eyes. This isn’t their problem, but somehow I keep making them worry and putting their lives on the line.

“No!” I say too loud and too quickly before trying again. “No, I’m fine, you guys eat.” I nod toward the main hall and pray to all the gods who will listen that they let this go.

Ever since Ryker came back to the castle with us, I’ve noticed a shift in the guys. I have a little more freedom; I’m allowed to go places without one of them always being right there. Maybe it’s because they know I don’t have any reason to sneakaround anymore. Not that I don’t love being around them, but sometimes I need time to breathe, and having them around would only worry them more.

“I’ll be up to wake you in a few hours.” Blair presses a kiss to my forehead, tilting my head back so that I meet his eyes. I only let him look for a moment before I pull away, quickly moving toward the stairs. If I let him look too hard, he’ll see the mess I am inside; he always does.

“Eat some food for me,” I yell back, trying to lighten the mood, but my voice sounds flat. Shit, I just need to get out of here. I turn on the spot and all but sprint for the stairs, feeling their eyes on my back as I go.

I make it all the way to the room, closing the door behind me and falling back against it before I slide down to the floor.

Panic threatens to choke me, but I know the guys will feel it if I don’t keep it together. I’ve been so busy trying to learn to control my magic I haven’t found time to build my mental wall the way the guys have.

Letting my head fall back against the door, I let the pain ground me as I take a deep breath in through my nose, blowing it out of my mouth slowly. I do it a few more times before I stop shaking, and the burn of tears at the back of my eyes goes away.

Is pushing all this down healthy? Probably not, but the last thing I need right now is for all the guys to rush in here.

No, what I need right now is a nap. Peeling myself off the ground is hard; every muscle is sore despite how often I train. I swear I always feel like I got hit by a car at the end of the day, but thankfully by the morning I’m good enough to do it all over again. For a moment I debate just curling up in a ball and sleeping right here. I’m tired enough that I’m sure I’ll fall asleep despite the cold stone, or maybe because of it. I only entertain the thought for a moment, though. I can’t imagine Blair wouldbe happy to find me on the ground when he comes to wake me up.

The guys like to think I give them a hard time on purpose most days, and while sometimes that might be true, the fact that I make it to the bed should be seen as a declaration of love, if you ask me.

I flop down at the foot of the bed, fully dressed, shoes and everything, and I know I should move, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

Before I can think too deeply about it, I’m asleep.

It’s dark, and not a normal dark, but the kind where you can’t see an inch in front of your face. I blink rapidly, hoping my eyes will adjust some, but it’s no use.

I should be afraid, but something about it feels familiar…

My head is foggy as I look around, unsure where I am or how I got here. The last thing I remember was going up to the room to take a nap, and judging by the cold feeling of stone pressed to my cheek, I’d say I’m not in the bed anymore.

“Hello,” I yell or try to. Instead of loud and strong, my voice comes out hoarse, and my throat stings as if I’m sick or maybe haven't had anything to drink in a few days.

I push up to sit, extending my arms out in front of me and then to thesides,trying to see what might be around, but all I’m met with is empty air.

What the hell is going on?

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