Page 12 of Shaped By Darkness

No, we need a plan for Ryker, Draven, and Lyle.

“He’s a fucking monster.”

“Then we’ll get him, but for now, our biggest concern is Sol and Lyle. Serena won’t give up on Lyle, no matter what you say. After Sol’s awake, Lyle will be all she can think about, and I’m sure you’re aware of how stubborn she can be.”

He sounds so calm, and despite wanting to be annoyed with him, I find myself calming down. Now I know why the guys always default to him when it comes to handling Serena.

I wonder if that’s something from his beast or if he’s just really this calming by default. I guess it doesn’t matter one way or the other, but I make a mental note to stay away from him should I want to be angry in the future. Sometimes anger can be useful, though I’m man enough to admit that now is not one of those times.

“I do know how stubborn she can be.” I pause, my steps faltering because as much as Lyle might have hated me, it doesn’t make what I have to say any easier. “But there’s nothing we can do for Lyle.”

I look up, and my eyes meeting his across the room for the first time, but whatever he’s feeling, I can’t get a read on it. I can’t imagine it’s good, though. They’ve been friends their whole lives, after all, and I feel like shit saying it even though the guy hated me.

Fuck, how am I going to get Serena to understand?

It’s been two weeks since everything happened in that village, and I’ve only seen Serena in passing. For most of the first week, she was with Sol, where I should have been, but I couldn’t bring myself to see him like that. Seeing Serena like that not long ago had been bad enough, but at least then it hadn’t been my fault.

With Sol, it was. I could have stopped it from happening. I could have saved him, but I’d been too focused on everything else going on around us.

Sol is my brother… my twin. The better of the two of us, he’s nice and good.

It’s my job to look after him. I should have been there for him when he needed me, just like he always has been for me.

Fuck!

I push the food away before heading out of the dining hall. It’s empty now. The rest of the castle, including Sol and Serena, ate hours ago, but I’d been busy…

Fuck, I’d been hiding, okay.

I couldn't bring myself to face them, not after I’d so clearly been hiding like a bitch for so long already. What would I even say?

‘Sorry I was too much of a bitch to come see you. I thought you might die and it would be my fault…’

Scrubbing a hand down my face, I make my way up to Garrett’s room, taking a second to breathe as I climb the million and one stairs.

I can feel that she’s asleep through our bond. It’s the only time her mind is ever quiet anymore. I breathe a sigh of relief as I let my mental shield down. The guys might be able to feel some of what I’m thinking or feeling like this, but that’s fine. It’s not really them I’m worried about, and the bond to them isn’t as strong as it is with Serena. With her, it’s like my mind craves her company and has zero issue dumping every thought into her mind.

It was so bad after Sol got hurt that she sent Blair to check on me. I didn’t realize just how much she could feel or hear. I mean, I heard her, but I thought that was because she was choosing to share.

No, there definitely wasn’t a choice.

Which is why I asked the Queen if she could give me lessons on how to keep my thoughts my own the next day.

If she thought it was strange, she didn’t say so. And really, it shouldn’t be—everyone needs some privacy occasionally, even fated mates.

Right?

It took a few days for her to be able to handle the lessons. She used a lot of power to attempt to save Sol and needed to recoup. She offered to have Garrett start teaching me, but that seemed like an even worse alternative. No, instead, I opted to sleep the day away in hopes that Serena couldn’t feel what I did when I was unconscious.

It worked, and I only had to wait a few days before the Queen could teach me, so nobody really thought much of it. Her lessons weren’t long or particularly hard. Mostly, it had to do with focus and being mindful of my thoughts. Large emotions might still have the possibility to break through, but as long as I kept my shit together, the self-loathing I felt should remain my own.

At some point Blair must have started lessons with someone as well, because while I didn’t often get his emotions before, I don’t get them at all now. There were only glimpses, but it was more than I’d ever seen from Blair otherwise.

Sol’s thoughts are mostly centered on Serena, and I can’t say I blame him. They’ve only been bonded for a few days, and he almost died. Hell, I’d be shocked if this wasn’t normal for him. He’s been in love with her since we were kids; he was just too scared to say anything.

He wasn’t the only dumbass who didn’t realize what he was feeling until years later, when someone else came along and tried to take her away… No, that was just the rest of us. Well, minus Blair.

Despite avoiding Serena, I don’t mind getting glimpses of what’s in her mind. If someone teaches her to block us, I’d be lonely, if I’m being honest. Ever since that night in the village, I’ve been able to hear her, and while I want my thoughts to remain my own, I can’t say I hate hearing hers.

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