Page 18 of Shaped By Darkness

“Maybe it was just because I was crying. I know you hate it when I cry.” I look down at Serena, and she shrugs as if to say she’s unsure and I also have no idea.

But I know how to find out.

Before I can overthink it, I turn with Serena still in my arms, shooting my flames at the fire pit that was just behind us.

“Fuck!” Serena’s hands grip my shirt, and she ducks her head into my chest to hide as the flames once again roar out of control.

What the fuck is going on?

I test my wind, giving a tiny flick of the wrist that shouldn’t do more than kick up a few leaves off the ground, and just like myfire, it does way more than it should. It almost pulls some of the flowers from the beds that line the castle and tips an empty fire pit.

“Blair.” I can hear the question in that one word. She’s worried about me and confused, and while I want nothing more than to assure her everything is okay… I’m not sure that would be the truth.

I push to stand, and Serena does the same, taking a step back as I move to the now upside-down fire pit to fix it. With it back on its legs, I can’t help but try one more time.

Just to be sure.

The flame moves from my hand into the fire pit with a grace that shouldn’t be possible before an average-sized fire ignites.

No roaring flame that damn near takes my eyebrows off, despite the fact that I’m less than a foot from it.

I look at Serena, where she remains on the mat, and find that she looks just as confused as I feel.

“Did I…” she asks, pointing to the ring of char that marks the ground where I’d just lit it on fire moments ago.

I can’t be sure, but I find myself nodding, regardless. That’s the only explanation, and even though it doesn’t really make sense, it might come in handy.

Everything is wrong.

Lyle’s gone, Storm can’t look at me or Sol, I can’t look at Garrett, and although I have my beast back, I feel as though it and my shadows are conspiring against me.

Twice now, I’ve attempted to shift, and both times, I’d turned into Lyle’s bear instead of the rabbit I’d been going for, the one I’d been transforming into for the majority of my life.

And that was just the big stuff.

So much more is wrong, if I’m being honest. But if I get into all of that, I won’t be able to see past it, and right now, I need to keep moving, training, and looking for a way to save Lyle.

Ryker said all hope wasn’t lost, and while it’s not looking great, I believe him. I have to, or I won’t get through the day. I just wish I could ask him what the hell he meant by that because, as of now, everyone seems to think there’s no way to save him. Rosalynn, despite trying to help, doesn’t believe it will work, and Garrett…

Well, he has no issue letting me know just how crazy he thinks I am for continuing to try.

“Serena.” Garrett’s voice carries through the dining hall, and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath in an attempt to center myself.

I love Garrett; really, I do. Our bond is something I couldn't live without, and despite having lost my memory before, I know I couldn’t live without him now…

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t wanted to kick his ass the last few days. Blair has reminded me on more than one occasion that he’s worried about me, but worried or not, he’s starting to piss me off now.

“I’m not doing this right now, Garrett.” I don’t even turn to face him or let him try to start a conversation. I already know what he will say, the same thing he’s been saying since that night.

“Yes, we are, Serena. You need to let this go. It’s not healthy. You haven’t been sleeping, you hardly eat, and every spare moment you have is spent in the library looking for answers that don’t exist.”

Every word he says is true, mostly. He forgot the part about my late-night trainings with my shadows. For over a week now, Blair has been joining me, and sometimes Pike and Sol come too. I haven’t made much headway with my shadows, but we’ve been messing around with my ‘supercharger’ ability, as Pike likes to call it.

It’s probably useful to note that Garrett has no idea we do that, or we’d probably be having a much different conversation right now. There's no reason for him to come at me like this in front of everyone. We've had this conversation so many times now, and it always ends the same way.

I wonder if he thinks calling me out like this will help him; it won't.

He and the rest of them can kiss my ass. I refuse to give up on Lyle, and if Garrett is upset now, he's going to be really madwhen I've exhausted all of my options here in the castle and go elsewhere.

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