Page 46 of Shaped By Darkness

Fuck.

I bury my face in my hands with a groan because I have an answer for that, but fuck, I don't want to.

"I know it's not what you wanted to hear. Please don't blame yourself for those we couldn't save," she tells me, mistaking my annoyance for anger.

I guess it's both, if I'm being honest.

Dropping my hands, I let my arms hang limp at my sides, looking up at the candles that burn in the chandelier above us.

Mother doesn't speak, giving me a chance to get my thoughts together. I appreciate it because right now it feels like my brain is in a blender.

"If Draven uses his dark magic, it would be safe to assume Ryker does as well, or at least knows how. Right?"

Pulling my gaze from the flickering flame, I turn back to my mother and find her deep in thought. I'm not sure if I want her to tell me I'm right or wrong.

I would love to find a way to stop losing people, to have a way to save them and cut Draven off from creating an army of monsters from innocent people.

But I also don't want Serena around Ryker; he's just as much of a monster as his father, no matter what Serena wants to believe.

"Yes, I would assume they use the same techniques." I can hear the hint of confusion in her voice, and I know she's going to ask even before she opens her mouth. Hell, it’s what I would ask if I were her.

"Why?"

I don't answer her right away, instead walking down the stairs that lead up to where the thrones are so that we might look out over top of everyone else. I've always hated sitting up here, feeling everyone's eyes on me, but even more so, I hated that Serena wasn't with me.

Some day she will be, though.

I sink down on the last step, dropping my elbows to my knees and digging my fingers into my hair with a soft tug.

"Serena has been going to him for training with her shadows." I don't elaborate. Honestly, I don't feel like it needs explaining.

Clearly, I'm mistaken, though, because instead of being met with understanding the way I'd expected, I'm instead met with a questioning gaze.

"He's dangerous, Mom," I hiss, annoyed that I have to explain this. She's not Serena, who hasn't witnessed what Ryker is and what he’s done. No, she's seen it with her own eyes just the same as me.

"Honey, do you know why your father sent Serena away that night?" Her question catches me off guard because it has nothing to do with any of this. Despite that, I take a breath and attempt to remain calm. There has to be a reason for her to bring this up, hopefully.

With a sigh, she pushes to stand, coming to sit on the step next to me, her eyes trained down on her lap, lips pulled down in a slight frown.

“We'd never seen anyone with powers like Serena’s. I don't just mean her darkness, but her power, the raw ability she had. Even those with darkness and light have to train, but she didn't. In the face of danger, her powers saved not only her but the whole kingdom, as if answering a call, an extension of herself.” Her brows pull together as if the very idea confuses her. I guess she's right; I'd just never really thought of it like that.

"Serena wouldn't have hurt us, though. She used her powers to protect us."

Mother’s head snaps up, her eyes wide.

"I never thought she was a danger to us, Garrett, neither did your father." I want to believe her; she sounds sincere and I only see honesty in her eyes, but if that's the case, why send her away? "Draven had been looking for someone with a connection to the darkness since the kingdom fell. With how powerful Serena was, especially at such a young age, he never would havestopped coming for her, as you've seen now. He was desperate, and desperation is dangerous. Your father sent her away to save everyone in the only way he knew how."

Neither of us speaks for a moment as I let her words sink in. I knew he did what he thought was right, but I never stopped to ask him why; I just assumed he was afraid of her powers or worried about facing Draven to protect her. Both seemed cowardly to me, especially for a king.

"Why didn't he say that then?" I can't help but ask because that changes things, changes the way I look at him.

Mother laughs, but it sounds more sarcastic than anything. Turning to me, she cocks a brow as if my question is a dumb one. It might be, but right now, I need her to spell it out. Nothing makes sense, and everything I thought I knew… well, clearly I was wrong and still have a lot to learn.

She huffs, leaning back to rest her weight on her hands on the step behind us, and I swear I can hear the wheels turning in her head.

"Mom, just say it." I'm not sure what she's worried about, but I don't have the patience or compassion needed.

I'm hanging by a thread, trying to keep it together, but it feels like it's just one thing after another right now.

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