Page 52 of Shaped By Darkness

Which is why it's such a damn struggle to stay away from her. I've tried to go to her at least fifty different times now, both on purpose and drawn on instinct. But it doesn’t matter, I always chicken out. It doesn't help that I'm also avoiding the rest ofthem. At this point, I might as well take my ass back down to the dungeon.

I would have if I didn't think she would use that opportunity to corner me.

I can feel her sadness and yearning for me.

With a groan of frustration, I pull myself from the warm water of the bathhouse and up onto the deck. This place is beautiful, but no less lonely. I thought coming here would help me breathe, maybe make a plan or get my shit together, but it seems nothing can do that. Maybe I wasn't meant to have a pack or a mate.

The mere thought makes my chest tight, and I know that's not true.

I fucked up. I let my brother get hurt, let my best friend be turned into a beast, and almost let my mate get killed, but none of that has anything to do with Serena.

No, she's still perfect for me, even if I don't deserve her.

It's the middle of the night. Everyone in the castle’s fast asleep, so I take a moment on the deck to breathe. Closing my eyes and allowing myself to think of her now that I don’t need to worry about anyone interrupting me.

This shared bond shit was already annoying before, but now it's downright insufferable.

Thoughts and memories flood my mind as if I've opened a box and allowed them to be free.

I can't pretend they don't hurt. What we were before, all of us, happy. But the one good thing about being alone is that I don't have to hide that pain.

A single tear escapes, tracking down my cheek. Thankfully, this is a bathhouse; everything's wet.

"If you miss her so much, you could always talk to her, you know."

I jump so hard that I almost fall back into the water, only saving myself by digging my nails into the wood.

"Fuck, Pike!" I hiss, turning to glare at him, and I instantly regret it.

I've just yelled at him, but somehow he sees past that, his eyes narrowing on my face, and I know what he sees, though I don't understand how. His eyes soften, his lips pulling down in a frown as he walks toward me despite still being fully clothed.

I look away, but it’s too late. The damage is done.

Pike sits on the ground next to me, kicking off his shoes, letting his feet dip into the water.

He doesn’t touch me, doesn’t so much as say another word. Simply sitting with me as I stare at the wall, unwilling to turn back toward him and see the pity in his eyes. Even without looking at him, I canfeelhim, and I don’t mean the spot where his thigh is pressed to mine. I feel his beast, his eyes as he watches me, his curiosity.

Pike and I couldn't be more opposite. His constant need for touch, affection, and being the center of attention literally gives me hives. I’ve broken limbs for people touching me without my permission, and I’d rather disappear into the darkness than stand front and center.

At least I used to.

With the guys, it’s different.

With Serena, everything changed. I need to be around her, or not only me, but my beast suffers. Somewhere along the way, Pike became someone I craved too.

I never wanted to be with someone like this. That was why I agreed to this fling with Pike. He was someone I could stand to be around, someone whose touch didn’t make me want to crawl out of my skin.

I was too stupid to realize I was in love with Serena back then, and he was twisted up with Harlow. We both needed someone, and in the heat of the moment, it worked.

So many times I’ve told him it was the last time. For a long time, I believed it myself. Once, twice, a handful of times. He was just a body, there were no feelings… but that’s not true, at least not anymore.

I’ve known it for a while now; I just didn’t want to admit it. Now I can’t even make myself voice the lie aloud.

“What do you want, Pike?” I ask, unable to handle the weight of his presence, even if all he’s doing is sitting here with me.

I used to crave solitude, but now, after finding my mate, finding my pack—it’s not as enjoyable. Hell, I’d go so far as to call it miserable.

“Nothing, I just thought you could use some company.” I whip my head his way and find him looking out at the water, a soft smile on his lips as he gently kicks his feet, without a care in the world.

---