Page 68 of Shaped By Darkness

"Sorry, this is..." I trail off, unsure how to explain it.

"A lot?" Serena offers with a soft smile that feels like it's just for me. She takes another step toward me, and instead of the urge to run, I find it grounds me. As if her presence is what I need.

My chest feels tight, and I feel my beast stir.

No!

I take a step back, and Serena freezes. I see the hurt that flashes in her eyes before she masks it.

My beast pushes to the surface, trying to break free, and I feel like I'm choking on the panic. The idea of him here with them.

No, I have to keep them safe. I won't hurt Serena, and hurting anyone here will no doubt do just that. I'm not my father; I'm not a monster… at least I don't want to be.

The rumble in my chest feels foreign; never has my beast reacted like this, and I'm not sure what to do about it, other than leave.

I can't hurt her if I'm not around.

"Ryker?"

Her voice is so low, her eyes so full of concern that I don't deserve; it would break my heart if I had one.

"I'm sorry." It's all I can think to say, and even then I hardly manage to choke the words out before I let myself slip into the shadows and out of sight.

Serena's been begging me to teach her how to do this trick since I first started training her. It's not that I don't want to, but more so I'm unsure how. It was something I stumbled upon when I was young. My father has always been rough, but one day after a particularly bad beating, I ran and hid. He wasn't done with me, he never was, but I knew if he kept at me, I wouldn't survive. I sat in the back of a dark closet of the library in the run-down castle of Salona and cried, praying to the gods and wishing I could be invisible.

A voice answered me in my mind; they apologized, saying things I didn't understand before they explained that in times of need, I could be one with the darkness. They said it was the least they could do.

I never heard that voice again, but ever since that day I've been able to use the shadows, at first to run from Draven's beatings and now to run from his manipulation.

"That guy gives me the creeps." The meaner twin, Storm, says, his lips pulled down in a frown as he scowls at the space where I just disappeared.

"You give me the creeps." Serena snaps back without hesitation, seeming to catch him off guard with how harsh her voice is. He looks at her as if she slapped him, but she turns and walks away, disappearing into the woods, headed back toward the castle with Theo hot on her heels.

"Good job," Blair says, and even I don't miss the thick sarcasm that drips from his words.

Storm curses under his breath before chasing after Serena, yelling for her to wait up. I don't need to see her to know she doesn't.

The rest of them file out, following her as well, but Blair hesitates a moment, his gaze sweeping the clearing as if looking for something.

"I know you’re still here." His voice is low enough that I know he only means for me to hear him. Blair is very aware of just about everything; it’s a wonder Serena ever made it out here alone. “Serena’s special. Something about her isn’t like the rest of us, and I know you see it. Right now she likes you, and despite what Garrett says and how Storm feels, I don't think you’re bad…” He trails off as if getting his thoughts in order. I stand frozen in place, unable to move. It's silly because he has no way to actually know if I'm here or not, but I feel as though he does.

"If you hurt her, I will kill you. No matter how much she might like you, Serena's been through enough."

He's right. I know he is just from the little bits and pieces I've heard of her past. But more than that, I don't want to hurt her.

It's a strange feeling wanting to protect someone, to go against the very nature of who you are and who you were raised to be.

If I hurt her, I'd happily do it myself.

I watch as his lips pull up just slightly before he turns to follow after the rest of them without a glance back.

I want to go with them, to be a part of something bigger than myself, something that matters.

I want to matter.

But I know that's not something I can do. Not right now, at least, maybe not ever.

For now, I'll be here when Serena needs me, anyway she might, because she's changed everything for me.

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