Page 123 of Push

“Aren’t all families a little dysfunctional?” He chuckled as if that was the worst of it for the two of us. “Which reminds me.Youarecoming to lunch this Sunday?”

Did I have a choice? “Yes.”

“And you’re going to insist on bringing the dentist?”

“Toby’s going to insist on bringing himself. Are you going to be difficult about it?”

He smiled sweetly. “Mama has instructed me to be on my best behavior. She’s desperate to see you and your little creature, and she’s planning quite the feast to woo you. Bring more friends if you like. There will be enough food and entertainment to rival a circus.” He grunted. “Much like the family we are.”

Wails echoed through the house when I opened the front door. Noah sounded miserable, and the second I walked into the kitchen, his chubby hands strained for me over Toby’s shoulder.

“He’s out of sorts this afternoon,” Toby whispered, lifting him into my arms. “He needs his mama.”

I cooed sweet words as I settled Noah against my chest. He snuggled into me and stuffed his thumb in his mouth. Once I started a slow lap of the kitchen, his eyes began to droop, long lashes fluttering to his cheek.

“Has he been like this since you picked him up from daycare?” I asked Toby.

He nodded. “Pretty much. I had a quick feel of his gums. There’s a new chomper coming through.”

He scrubbed his palm down his face. He looked exhausted. I glanced around the kitchen. Cut vegetables overloaded the chopping board. Water boiled on the stove. Papers littered the kitchen island. I wouldn’t say a bomb hit the kitchen, but it was close.

“Sorry,” Toby said with a sheepish smile. “I’d planned to have a lot more done by the time you got home.” He kissed Noah’s head and headed back to the chopping board.

The tip of my index finger landed on one of the pages on the counter. I slid it closer. Blue ink was scrawled all over the page.

Early December? Maybe?

Kayleigh said I looked handsome. I was stoked because I was wearing the new shirt you bought me, and I told her that. She said I could get my own coffee that day. I did, and then she got mad at me in the afternoon and told me maybe I should get my own coffee every day. I shrugged and said okay. She refused to talk to me again for the rest of the day.

An arrow shot off from those words, and I squinted to decipher the mess of handwriting next to them.

I should’ve pulled her up and told her to be professional. I shouldn’t have been having coffee with her anyway. Was she hitting on me? I didn’t even realize. I should’ve told you.

I was about to read the next entry when the page disappeared. Toby scrunched the fanned-out papers into a messy pile and zoomed across the kitchen to stuff them in his junk drawer.

I hitched Noah to a more comfortable spot on my chest. “Toby,” I asked cautiously. “What’s all that?”

“You weren’t supposed to see that. It’s not ready yet.”

I arched an eyebrow.

“This morning, after we left the police station, you were angry with me. I thought about it all afternoon. John was saying—”

“John?”

“Zach’s dad.” He waved me off because that wasn’t the critical part of his story. “Anyway, he told me I needed to pay more attention and notice what youdon’tsay. I thought about it a lot on my drive home. You went quiet around the time I told the detective what happened with Kayleigh in the changing room. I’d kept some of the details from you.”

“Did you think you were sparing me by leaving out the gory details?”

Toby nodded. “Gwen, a part of me still struggles with this idea of being fully honest. I want to tell you everything—truly, Ido—but I’m walking a tightrope because I also don’t want to hurt you. I have it in my head that it’s better if I can shield you from some of my screw-ups.”

“It’s not. Toby, I told you—”

“I know,” he interrupted gently. “That’s the reason for my project. I’m writing down every detail I can about when I talked to Kayleigh or spent time with her. I’m holding nothing back.”

“Nothing?”

“Well, I’ll tell you as much as I can remember. A lot of it’s hazy. I actually feel like a damn fool. Since I started this…” He shook his head. “It never crossed my mind Kayleigh had feelings for me—not even when you kept warning me. In my world, you and I, we’re it for life. There justcouldn’tbe anyone else, you know?”

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